The Mummy Diaries STAR SAM FAIERS EXCLUSIVELY TALKS TO OK! ABOUT HER LONG-TERM COMPULSIVE DISORDER, AND HOW SHE’S BEATING IT
REALITY TV QUEEN SAM FAIERS OPENS UP TO OK!’S KATIE LANGFORD-FOSTER ABOUT HER COMPULSIVE DISORDER AND WHAT FINALLY PERSUADED HER TO SEEK HELP
Watching entrepreneur and reality star Samantha Faiers calmly juggle business calls and tend to her two children while looking like a movie star on our exclusive shoot is impressive, to say the least. Alongside running their businesses, All Bits London and My Little Darlin’, Sam and her partner of almost five years, Paul Knightley, are parents to adorable son Paul, three – known affectionately as little Paul – and one-year-old daughter Rosie.
But while today’s shoot with her children is an undeniably glam affair, Sam is keen to open up about the disorder that has plagued her since childhood.
From the age of eight, Sam has suffered with trichotillomania, a condition that sees her habitually pick out all her eyelashes. This year, she’s finally felt ready to talk openly about it and seek help. ‘I didn’t see picking out my eyelashes as self-harming, but it is,’ she tells us.
Big Paul’s mum, nanny Gaynor, is on hand to help with the children as we chat, and as Sam opens up about her condition and family life, it’s clear her feet are still firmly on the ground – albeit now in Hertfordshire rather than her home county of Essex.
The 28 year old tells us: ‘I know my sister and I live a bit of a glamorous lifestyle sometimes, but 90 per cent of the time we are mums at home
with our kids having tantrums and changing nappies!’ She’s of course referring to her older sister and fellow former TOWIE star Billie, with whom she stars in ITVBE’S The Mummy Diaries, now in series six.
Here, Sam opens up about seeking help for her hair-pulling disorder, family life and why honesty is the key to her success…
You’ve suffered with trichotillomania for 20 years. How does it affect you?
I’m speaking about it more now because I am at the point where I am ready to grow them back. It’s such a subconscious thing. I do it either in my sleep or I pull them when I am in a daydream. My mum tried to stop me for years. She put little mittens on me at bedtime, I had hypnotherapy and incentive presents but nothing worked. Now I’ve got kids, the last thing I’d want them to think is that it’s okay to pull your eyelashes out.
Do you ever pull out the hair on your head?
No, just my eyelashes. It’s more common in women and girls and 2.5 per cent of the UK suffer with it. I hope me speaking about it will help other people because I know what it’s like growing up with it and feeling self-conscious. Thank God for fake eyelashes!
Do you wear them all the time?
No, I’m actually quite good now. When I was in TOWIE, I used to wear them all the time. I was still very self-conscious, and felt I had to wear fake eyelashes and lots of eye make-up to cover the fact I didn’t have any lashes. Most of the time now, I just line my eyes with eyeliner, so you can’t really notice.
How does it feel when you are actually picking them out?
It feels nice. It’s a habit and a compulsive disorder, but I am so used to it I don’t even see it as that. I don’t see picking out my eyelashes as self-harming, but it is.
How many therapy sessions have you had?
I’ve had two in the last couple of months. But it’s meant to take a minimum of
six to eight sessions, so it’s a process.
It’s hypnotherapy. They speak to your subconscious, so you’re not in a deep sleep but you’re very relaxed. She tells you how lovely your eyelashes are, that your hands don’t need to be near your eyes, but should stay by your sides.
Have you noticed an improvement?
No [laughs]! I rang my therapist after the first sessions and was like: ’I’m picking them out more!’ She was like: ‘This is normal. It’s not that you’re picking them out more, it’s that you’re aware of it now. So you notice when you’re doing it.’ I have noticed that my bottom eyelashes are coming through, but I am still pulling on the top.
Has there ever been a period of time when you haven’t done it?
No, I’ve done it forever.
When is it at its worst? When I’m stressed by work I pick them out more, or if I’m super busy and then I get some down time I find I do it more. I never pick them when I’m doing something. It will always be during my quiet time.
What made you want to seek help for it now?
When Rosie was around 14 months old and I was still breastfeeding her, I would go to pull or stroke my eyelashes and I noticed she’d rub her eyelashes too – she was copying what I was doing. She didn’t know to pull, of course, but that was a big red flag. I was like, no, I can’t have her doing that. So when Rosie began to copy me that was the turning point. I knew I needed to get help. As a mum that is devastating. My mum must have been devastated, too. For years, she tried to get me to stop and she just couldn’t.
How do your mum and sister feel about your progress? They’re so happy. They ring me up after each therapy session. We’ve said that when I’ve got all my eyelashes back, we’re going to go mascara shopping! Because, believe it or not,
I’ve never owned a mascara [laughs]!
Has Paul been supportive?
At first, Paul didn’t understand. My mum and sister have lived with it forever, but Paul didn’t get how I couldn’t not do it. He was like: ’Can’t you just stop picking them out?’ So until recently, he’s never really understood. But now he’s really involved and supportive. He’s interested in what happens at therapy, and what else I can do. Do you know what triggered it in the first place?
Yes. When I was younger, I was really close to my stepdad, who I consider my dad, Dave – ‘Chatty’ on the show. I was a real daddy’s girl. Unfortunately, my dad went to prison and he got quite a long sentence when I was younger and I took it really hard. Then, one day, a family friend’s little girl told me that if you pick out your eyelash and make a wish, it will come true. So I used to pick out an eyelash and wish for my dad to come home from prison. It’s sad, but as the years have gone on, I don’t directly relate it to that now. It’s just a habit. Does your dad know that’s how it began? Yeah, he does know. But we don’t really speak about it a lot any more because it was so long ago.
Did that time in your life make you and Billie extra close as sisters?
Me, my mum and sister have always been really close, but during those times, it was always just us three. We call ourselves the three musketeers. Me and Billie always say it’s such a shame that we were so young, we didn’t understand what Mum was going through at the time – it must have been horrific for her. But despite everything she was going through, she was always the best mum.
Do they still really miss you not living in Essex?
It’s only half an hour down the M25! But yes, they do, they always want me to move back to Brentwood. I don’t think I’ll ever move back. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish and Paul and I wanted to move for ourselves and the kids. And it’s nice because when we do get together once or twice a week it’s really good quality time.
How do you and Paul juggle work and the kids between you?
I’m very lucky to have big Paul. I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I do without him. The last year has been really busy so he’s taken a step back from office work at All Bits London and he’s been really helping out with the kids. We don’t have a nanny or extra help. He’s like: ’I would rather do it myself.’ Gaynor does help out a lot, and my mum does when she can but she also works full time running Minnie’s Boutique Online.
We’ve heard you get up at 5.30am to work out, is that true?
I haven’t done in three weeks [laughs]! But yeah, I have to get up and do it before the kids get up, otherwise it’s impossible. So I do have a personal trainer and he comes to my house before anyone else is awake. I love the feeling of exercising and feeling and looking good, but it’s not my passion, so I like to get it done. It sounds brutal but I’m always in bed by nine anyway [laughs]!
Would you and Paul like to have more kids?
Yes, 100 per cent. Me and Billie have said if we both had a third, we’d love to be pregnant together. Because what happened was, it was Nelly, then Paul, then Arthur then Rosie, so effectively we didn’t go ‘out out’ together for four and a half years! We can’t have a gap like that again. So we need to time it right this time. But I don’t know. I think Billie and Greg are just happy with their two, enjoying being married now. I know for sure that I want more. She’s not sure yet.
Big Paul wasn’t keen on the idea of sending little Paul to nursery. Did he ever go in the end? No, he hasn’t. We did try two or three weeks at a lovely little nursery down the road, but I can’t get little Paul out the door for eight o’clock [laughs] and it was difficult to commit to specific hours. He has a really good life at home and is constantly mixing with my friends’ children and his cousins. Paul and I both take him out all the time and he’s always doing activities. I’m not fussed, Paul has a lovely life, and we’ve got one more year left to be flexible and work as hard as we can and then once he’s in school that’s it. You have to stick to those boundaries.
How do you feel about the milestone of sending him to school?
When he did those few days at nursery, he was really confident. They said he was actually above a lot of the children his age considering he’s never been to nursery or playgroup. We read to him all the time, he does so many activities and he gets to travel.
‘for years, mum tried to get me to stop and she couldn’t’
So I think he has an advantage in that sense. I have no worries with him when it comes to school but I know me and Paul will be devastated [laughs].
Will Rosie go to nursery?
I think so. But again, while
I can still have her at home with Paul and I’m still juggling everything, I want them around us as much as possible. I feel very lucky that we even have that option.
Do they get on well?
They do! They absolutely love each other. Paul adores Rosie, he really looks out for her and is very protective. How is your Crohn’s disease currently?
It’s absolutely fine, and my fellow ‘Chronees’ hate it when I say this, but I honestly don’t think I have any symptoms any more. They say that when you get diagnosed you have it forever, but I haven’t had a flare-up since my first one in 2014. It’s under control. I weaned myself off the steroid medication, followed an anti-inflammatory diet for six months and just took every vitamin I could. But because I’m okay now, some people think I never had it that bad, but I really was severely ill.
Was it emotional seeing Billie and Greg tie the knot earlier this year?
It was absolutely amazing. It exceeded all our expectations. From start to finish, it was the best day. It took me weeks to get over it!
Your dad was escorted off the plane en route to the Maldives for the big day. That must have been very stressful for you all… That was really bad! My dad decided to take a sleeping tablet and drink a few glasses of wine, because he’s a really nervous flier and he was so worried about the 11-hour flight. When we got the phone call from one of our friends who said: ‘Dave is being walked off the flight,’ obviously at first we thought it was a joke. You can just imagine how bad that looked in the press, like: ‘Dave didn’t make the flight,’ but he is terrified of flying so he just tried to do
what he thought was best to fall asleep and get there. It just backfired badly. But there’s always drama at a wedding, isn’t there?! He made it, which was the main thing [laughs].
Would you like to get married one day?
Yes, I just feel like when the time is right, it will be. There was no way Paul would have done it across Billie getting engaged and married. He’d want it to be special for me and he knew I was so devoted to my sister getting married, the hen do and the planning. I feel like now that’s all calmed down, maybe soon… [laughs]. But yeah, we both really want to get married and we’ve said it would be lovely to be married before we have more children.
Does Paul feel more relaxed on camera filming The Mummy Diaries now?
He’s much more relaxed in front of the cameras but he doesn’t particularly enjoy it. He does it to support me and the kids. He knows it’s a great show and that the family unit is why the show works, but it’s not his favourite thing to do – unlike [Billie’s husband] Greg, he loves it! He rings the producers and knows his plans. Paul’s the opposite, so sometimes when we’re filming I’m like: ’You need to talk back to me here,’ because he sometimes freezes [laughs].
Does it bother you that he receives criticism for how he comes across on the show? Sometimes his shyness can come across as arrogance, and that’s not Paul at all. He’s actually really soft and kind, and he has a good sense of humour. He just doesn’t find it very natural to be himself on camera.
Greg told us that you and Billie sometimes have to tell him to rein it in on social media. Is that true?
He does get carried away! Once he decided to do a charity thing naked, just covering his bits! Me and Billie were like: ‘Is that really necessary?’ [Laughs.]
Why do you think The Mummy Diaries is so successful?
Because we don’t hide if our kids have a tantrum. I didn’t hide when I was giving birth. Obviously some bits you keep for yourself, but we give everything, the good and the bad. I think mums can maybe relate to us.