RICHARD’S PEARLS OF WISDOM

‘[To Bill Clinton] I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you, though, I knew I was innocent.’

‘[Interviewing Keira Knightley] Can we get some make-up please? Get Keira looking like a crack wh**e... she’d make a good crack wh**e!’ ‘What’s the point of salt grinders? 30 plus years of grand delusion. We must be mad!’

‘There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.’

‘I really love ducks. They’ve always got a smile on their face.’