‘I REALLY DISLIKED MYSELF – BUT NOW I’VE FOUND HAPPINESS’
TEN YEARS AFTER HER X FACTOR DEBUT, REBECCA FERGUSON TELLS OK!’S MICHELLE GARNETT HOW SHE HAS LEARNED TO WISE UP, SPOT THE FAKERS AND LOVE HERSELF
When Rebecca Ferguson reached the X Factor finals in 2010 she was a shy, 24-year-old single parent chasing big dreams. But although she achieved the success she deserved, she has also suffered heartbreak and betrayal at the hands of former partners and trusted friends.
In recent years she has kept out of the spotlight, focusing on her own happiness and that of her family. She has three children – Lillie May, 15, and Karl, 14, with her ex Karl Dures, and fiveyear-old Arabella, whose father she split with not long after the birth.
Now, having sought therapy and spent a year living in Paris, the Liverpudlian singer feels stronger than ever. Not only has she met The One in boyfriend Jonny, she’s learned to like herself too.
Rebecca has also been working on her fifth album with legendary musician Nile Rodgers, and has released a new single, Nothing Left But
Family – a soulful number that namechecks her youngest child and reflects on Rebecca’s down-to-earth personality.
Rebecca, 33, who briefly dated One Direction’s Zayn Malik and Bros singer Matt Goss, tells OK! how she used to hate the way she looks, reveals her plans for marriage and kids with Jonny and reflects on the advice she’d give herself as an X Factor wannabe...
You say your previous albums came from a place of sadness, but your new songs come from a place of happiness. What has changed?
When I was 30, I realised I’d never been happy. It was scary. I’d had moments, but I’d never felt true contentment. So I moved to Paris for a year. It was a bold step but it was my first time of saying, “I’m doing something for me.”
Did you enjoy it?
I loved every single minute. My children picked up little bits of French. I’d go down
to the flower market and choose my favourite flower or I’d go and find my favourite crêpes. I made a conscious decision to surround myself with everything I love. It’s not been a bed of roses ever since but it’s been a deliberate decision to choose me. It sounds selfish and people can hate me for it, but I needed to find that happiness.
Did you have any counselling?
I had three sessions with a therapist. She said that the little girl in me needed to grow up and that I didn’t need to be a victim any more. I had no boundaries and I’d bend over backwards to help people. I’ve finally found happiness now, but it was a tough 10 years.
You shared a photo of your natural curls. Why did you straighten your hair for so long?
I hated my hair for years. In fact, from the age of about five – Arabella’s age – I really disliked myself. I hated my face. A make-up artist once asked me, “Don’t you like what I’ve done?” I said, “It’s not that, I just don’t like my face.” I was going through the motions of life, not truly loving myself. Now I think, “This is your hair and your face, embrace yourself.”
If you hadn’t had that big wake-up call, do you think you might have become more and more depressed?
Yes. I was making terrible decisions, choosing bad relationships and allowing people to take advantage of me and hurt me. Now I’m more cautious. I count my true friends on one hand.
Are you in a happy relationship now?
Yeah, I’m happy in my relationship with Jonny. We’ve been together for three years. He’s lovely and he treats me really well. I caught his eye on a night out and we built up a good friendship. I set the tone of the relationship early on by telling him how I wanted to be treated. If I’m dating someone I don’t want them to be dating anyone else. Open relationships are not for me. We also discussed the future and where I wanted my life to go.
Did you worry you might scare him away? No, I’d been so hurt in the past, and I thought, “Well if he runs away, it’s fine. At least I’ve got rid of that one.” So I felt quite empowered telling him I didn’t want to mess around. He felt the same. It put the relationship on good solid ground.
What do you want for your future?
We’ve discussed marriage. To have someone stand up and say they want to spend the rest of their life with you would be so special. I want more children, too. Arabella needs a little brother or sister. But I’m focusing on my music right now, so it won’t be just yet.
Are you pleased for your ex-boyfriend Zayn Malik, who’s having a baby with his girlfriend Gigi Hadid?
I’m really mindful about what I say, for Gigi. If I was pregnant, I’d never want to hear my baby father’s ex talking about me and my pregnancy. So all I’ll say is, any baby news is good news because it means a lovely little life is coming into the world. I don’t want to disrespect Gigi or their lovely relationship.
What did you think of Alexandra Burke sharing her experiences of racism following her X Factor win?
I’ll always celebrate anyone who owns their truth, so well done to her for being honest. As
a mixed race singer I never felt my colour was a hindrance but other black singers have experienced it and it’s unbelievably unfair. Before The X Factor I found it hard to get jobs and people prejudged me. It was upsetting. Post-x Factor I didn’t face it as much because people treat you differently when you’re a known name.
You said you struggle to watch your
X Factor audition. Why?
I just felt really sorry for that Rebecca. I want to give her a hug and say, “Be strong, be wise and watch the people around you.” The mistake I made was that I attracted people who weren’t good for me. But I’m grateful for those bad experiences because it’s how I’ve grown as a person.
Has it been tough juggling your career and motherhood?
Yes, I’m working to give my children the best life, but it comes at a price. There were moments when I was travelling lots in the early days and I really missed them. I’ve tried my best and I have a good relationship with them.
Lillie May wants to be a model. How do you feel about that?
I don’t over push it, because the industry is tough. She’s only 15, but if in a year she still wants to be a model then I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she achieves her dream. She’s also an unbelievable singer and actress. Karl is a genius and Arabella is really smart too and loves drawing.
Did you enjoy working with Nile Rodgers?
He’s lovely. People like him can seem intimidating but he’s so humble. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a negative word come out of his mouth.
Did you have to pinch yourself thinking, “How am I working with this icon?”
Yes, but I get imposter syndrome. I was on This Morning for the album and I felt really nervous and couldn’t sleep properly the night before. I’ve been doing this for 10 years but I’m always thinking, “How did I get here?”
NOTHING LEFT BUT FAMILY IS OUT NOW
‘i hated my hair for years – now i think, embrace yourself’