ashley james
Presenter and dj Ashley James on life as a new mum and what she’d like to say to the breastfeeding critics
We’ve always loved Ashley James for keeping it real, but since becoming a mum, the 33-yearold has taken things up a notch. From sharing pictures of her postpartum figure to breastfeeding selfies, there is nothing off limits for the DJ and presenter. And when we catch up with Ashley to talk about her supporting Elvie’s new #Therealfeed campaign, which encourages mums to share the realities of motherhood, she admits she’s “very on brand”.
“My boobs have leaked all over my T-shirt, I’ve got sick on my shoulder and he’s just weed on me,” she laughs, as she talks about her nine-week-old son Alfie Rivers, who she shares with her boyfriend Tom Andrews. “This is the reality!”
Here, the former Made In Chelsea star tells OK! about sticking it to the breastfeeding trolls, and how being a mum has made her relationship with Tom even better…
Hi Ashley! How’s life as a new mum?
Even the fact that I’m a mum is mad because I’d always said I didn’t think I wanted children. It’s crazy trying to get used to a new identity as a mum, but it’s the best thing. It feels like a miracle. I feel like you hear so much negativity around how your relationship suffers when you have children but I’ve found the opposite. It’s so nice to see Tommy as a dad. I feel like there’s nothing sexier than seeing someone you love changing a nappy. Two years ago I was single and said I’d never want to live with a partner and have a baby, and now here I am!
Has it felt isolating at times in lockdown?
There are huge challenges and I do feel quite lonely. Tommy is working in the day, but he’s at home so he’s there if I need him. I just don’t feel like I have that interaction with other mums. I also don’t want to bore my friends by only talking about baby stuff. They don’t want to hear about my leaky boobs! The other thing that’s been really hard is that Alfie still hasn’t met any of my family and it’s not looking like that can change until May.
You shared on Instagram that you felt like you’d lost yourself a bit since becoming a mum. How have you dealt with that?
Suddenly people only ask about you in the context of being a mum. Before being pregnant I was Ashley the DJ, presenter and friend. I think lockdown has heightened these feelings too as you’re not allowed to do anything. It’s a new role so I guess you’re mourning your old identity as you form a new one. Tom’s so supportive, though. When I have my wobbles where I’m like, “I’m just a mum,” he’s like, “No!” He’s my cheerleader in this.
You’ve previously said you were terrified to breastfeed in public. Have your feelings changed now Alfie is older?
I was worried, especially when you have boobs bigger than your baby’s head, as it’s not exactly discreet to get them out, but now I’m like, “No, I have nothing to be ashamed of.” Sometimes we’ll be in the park and Alf will start looking for the boob and Tom will say, “Shall we rush home?” and I’m like, “No, I’m going to feed here because he’s hungry. Why should we have to rush home on our one daily walk?” I’m actually almost looking forward to the day somebody dares to tell me to go to the bathroom. I think it’s outrageous we’re expected to feed our children in a public loo when we barely even pee in public loos! We need to stop seeing it as something that needs to be covered up. People have said to me, “What is your son going to think when he grows up and sees pictures of you breastfeeding, he’ll be horrified.” But why on earth would he be horrified that I gave him the best start in life? It’s my favourite thing to do with him.
Has your friend Lucy Mecklenburgh given you any advice?
She’s given me loads of advice. She’s been amazing. She’s the reason why I knew breastfeeding wasn’t as smooth sailing as just putting your baby on your boob. I’ve learnt so much from her. I’m moving really close to her so hopefully Alf and Roman will get to become little Essex friends! She was one of the first people I told about being pregnant. She actually knew before Tommy! I remember Lucy saying she knew she was pregnant because her boobs hurt and my boobs hurt so I messaged her straight away. I was like, “What do I do?
What’s next?”
Did you receive any negativity for saying you were initially disappointed when you found out you were expecting a boy?
Of course. Even when I said it, I said, “I know this is terrible.” But you can’t help your feelings and I know it’s quite common. As a woman, it would be nice to pass on all the lessons I’ve learnt and mistakes I’ve made. But there’s absolutely no regrets. If I’m lucky enough to have another baby and it’s a boy, I’ll also feel blessed, but do I hope to have a girl? Absolutely, and that feeling hasn’t changed. I’m obviously not disappointed with who he is, he’s perfect. I’d absolutely love to have more children, but equally I’d be so happy if it was just Alf.
What would you like to do next with your career?
I feel lucky to be doing shows like Jeremy Vine and Good Morning Britain. I stood in for Richard Arnold as the showbiz reporter a couple of months ago, so doing more stuff like that would be amazing. I’d also love to be a panellist on Loose Women. I was in the audience when I was 18 so it’s a show I’ve loved forever.
I love to speak my mind so it’s something that would be amazing to do.
Would you ever go back to
Made In Chelsea?
Never say never. I still have friends on the show but Tommy isn’t in that world and doesn’t desire to be. Also, I feel like it’s not something I’d want to put Alfie in until he’s old enough to decide it’s something he wants to do.
Tell us about supporting Elvie’s #Therealfeed campaign…
I’m really proud to be a part of it. It’s important to not just show highlights of your life. But I do think it’s great to show the highs too because it’s such a great feeling. It’s easy to compare yourself and presume everyone has things together, especially when you’re not having much interaction with other mums. If you’re only seeing a polished version on Instagram it means there are other people sat at home like I am now with breast milk all over me. You’re wondering, “Am I a bit of a failure? Maybe I’m a bad mum?” Especially in lockdown as it’s isolating. Elvie are recognising this and encouraging people to share a more #Realfeed.