The Spy’s rumour fields are barren.
SUMO DIGITAL’S ZOMBIE SEQUEL WAS ANNOUNCED ALMOST FOUR YEARS AGO
The Spy is too old for all of this. When The Spy was young, a fortnight was two weeks and you called a plasterer if there were huge cracks in the ceiling. If the cracks were in the sky, you called Doctor Who. If the cracks were caused by an ICBM, you called The Spy, and if The Spy couldn’t be bothered, The Spy would call a plasterer.
Things are different now. When Fortnite’s battle royale bolt-on triggered Epic’s astonishing reversal of fortune, it also fundamentally upset the balance of videogame rumour-mongering. In the quiet month that follows E3, all anyone’s talking about is that bloody rocket and those bloody interdimensional cracks and that one person who murdered everybody by breaking a big ramp.
It’s like picking up a landline while somebody else is using a dial-up modem, something The Spy is sadly old enough to remember, but instead of hearing the screech of the information superhighway you get 30 million teenagers shouting about ‘durr burgers’ or something. The Spy asks for your patience in this difficult time.
Here’s something to tide you over: you know Red Dead Redemption 2? The first one never came to the PC, so on paper there’s no reason to question Rockstar’s assertion that their latest cowboy adventure would venture beyond its home on consoles. Then again, what does paper have to do with it? Grand Theft Auto V’s online mode made – and continues to make – an absolutely absurd amount of money after it came to PC, and The Spy’s monocle would fall all of the way out if Rockstar chose to leave those fat stacks on the table for this, their first new open world game in years.
Who’s this now, riding to the rescue? Why, it’s only LinkedIn – the social network so boring that you forget that it exists within moments of closing the tab! LinkedIn’s forgettability is a tremendous boon to The Spy, because it means that people sometimes write things there about their jobs and then forget that they’ve written them: like the anonymous Rockstar Leeds programmer who listed, among other credits, their work on the PC version of Red Dead Redemption 2. Thanks, LinkedIn – The Spy’s monacle is safe!
This doesn’t mean that RDR 2 will come to the PC day-and-date with the consoles, mind – but it does make its arrival on the platform one of the safer bets going.
Elsewhere, question marks gather around Dead Island 2. Sumo Digital’s zombie sequel was announced almost four years ago, but has remained ominousle absent from release schedules. Lately, the sudden arrival of a Dead Island- themed tower defence game for mobile raised concerns that the series is more or less in the bin – or at least has gone to that particular videogame bardo named ‘licensing opportunity’.
Not so, claims the developers! Indeed, they’ve gone and taken to the malevolent jokes-and-shouting engine ‘Twitter’ to confirm that Dead Island 2 is “still in development.” They’ll “share more at a later stage”. Here’s the thing, though, folks: this is a later stage. You last showed off meaningful footage of your game in 2014. Four years is forever in this business – half of the people getting excited about sky cracks in Fortnite weren’t even born back then. That’s an exaggeration: some were babies. Spy out.
The Spy The Spy asserts that no, it is the children who are wrong.