New arrivals
I’ve just given birth to a baby girl, but my four-year-old son hasn’t taken to her. He was so excited about the baby while I was pregnant, but now he’s acting out and seems to hate her. Will this go on forever? How can I help him?
Even if they are excited about having a new sibling before the birth, young children can often change their mind once the new baby comes home. It’s common for them to test you by regressing – such as wanting to wear a nappy and asking for a bottle. How children react depends on their temperament, but most of them are just craving your attention.
Acknowledge their feelings
Your older child is being confronted with the idea of sharing you with someone else, so it’s natural for them to act out. Rather than scolding them, try to acknowledge their feelings. Encourage them to talk to you about how they feel. These one-on-one conversations will be a start to giving them the attention they need, and they may just be after some time alone with you, where you can listen to them and hold them.
Give them special jobs
Let your older child help out. When you bathe the baby, ask you child to help. They’ll probably also be happy to fetch diapers or a new set of clothes. Let them hold the baby and spend time with it as much as you can, while you supervise, of course. This will make your child feel useful, and most importantly, show you need them and love them.
Allow them do their own thing
Spend some time each day with just your older child, even if it’s just a few minutes playing with Lego. This time will make them feel special and remind them that you are their mum, as well as the baby’s. If your child doesn’t want to be involved with the baby, don’t push them. Many children cope with change by ignoring their baby siblings for a while. Give them the space they need, and let them come around in their own time.