What’s on your mind? Family ties
Who, when, where? Join in
My new husband and I are celebrating our first Christmas together this year, but we have to spend it with his parents. I’m dreading it. I’m convinced that they don’t like me, and I’d much rather spend the day with just my husband in our own home. What can I do?
Every family is different, and those differences become especially apparent during the holidays. The main thing to remember is that while you may argue during the rest of the year, Christmas is all about family, so keeping the peace should be the most important thing.
Can you perfectly please everyone every year? Probably not. But you can work towards a balanced and fair holiday by respecting your extended family while not neglecting to create special memories with your husband. Try to compromise. Perhaps a Christmas Eve get together is important to one set of parents, while Christmas dinner is central to the other. Try to be open about what all family members want, but don’t be controlled by them.
Try to balance your own traditions with those of your in-laws. Discuss with your husband what traditions you’d like to establish as a couple – it will be a lot easier to change what you want for the holidays than for his parents to adjust what’s been important to them for many years. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be flexible. Speak to them about it – they may come round!
You’re spending time with your in-laws so your husband can be with his family, but you can also be a part of that family – just participate. Talk with your husband about including you in conversations and activities. His family want to get to know you, and being uninvolved can seem rude. Why not suggest a few board games to break the ice?