It’s time to speak out
Charley burst into tears.
‘I don’t feel like myself. I think I need some help,’ she confessed, hurting herself intentionally.
I couldn’t believe what we were hearing, but knowing that Charley wanted help, that’s exactly what we were going to do.
Being told by the GP to take all sharp objects away from her, as well as keeping a diary to write down all of Charley’s feelings, we hoped that would be the start of gaining some further support.
Only, months after our visit, I noticed Charley had been harming herself again.
So, pushing for specialist help at Cramlington Hospital, we were quickly seen by the crisis team, who assured us that they were making referrals and would help us in this situation.
Charley was great – she’s tell all the medics everything, answering all of their questions.
To Charley it was like a light at the end of the tunnel, she was looking forward to getting help.
And me and Paul couldn’t have been happier.
In fact, that summer, in 2020, was one to remember.
Without social media, stepping away from her phone and tablet, and celebrating Jake’s birthday, we all saw a glimpse of our happy, bubbly, smiley Charley again. It was brilliant. Heading to our nearest beach, without a worry in the world, it seemed like all of our worries were over – Charley enjoyed it!
Only, as the school term commenced, with Charley going into year 8, it felt like we had come full circle.
With access to social media, coming home from school meant that Charley wasn’t able to escape the teasing.
It followed her everywhere. ‘Someone has sent me a video telling me how to kill myself. I’ve deleted it as I don’t want Jake to see,’ Charley cried, coming to me.
Sharing a Tiktok account with
Jake, she didn’t want him to see the extent of what was happening to her.
Heartbroken and angry, I couldn’t believe that somebody would ever send that to anyone, let alone my daughter – it was just so disturbing.
Then, I saw a message pop up on her phone.
You’re useless, you can’t even kill yourself properly.
The only reason to make your family proud would be not to be here anymore, it read.
I felt an enormous amount of rage bubbling inside of me – how dare somebody do this.
Every part of me wanted to scream, but I knew I had to stay calm for Charley – anger wasn’t going to solve anything.
But as soon as I pushed to ask who would say such a thing, Charley pushed me away and shut me out, doing the exact same to Paul, too.
After that moment, Charley’s attitude in the following week became a real problem, something we had never really experienced, which caused a rift between us.
I was at my wit’s end. ‘Right, you’re grounded,’ I blurted, after Charley didn’t tell me why she was late coming home from school on 1 October 2020.
I hoped that she would realise how her sadness was affecting us all – I didn’t know what else to do.
‘Let’s see what Dad says,’ she screamed, slamming the door.
With Charley, Callum and Jake all at home, I rushed off to collect Paul from work.
‘Hopefully you can get through to her,’ I admitted on the drive.
I knew how much of a special relationship they had and hoped that Paul could work his magic.
So, I ushered him upstairs to talk Charley around.
‘Can you go and remind her to bring her dirty washing downstairs please?’ I insisted.
Giving me a smile, I listened as he stomped upstairs…
I felt rage bubbling in my stomach