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Only, the noise that I heard him make next made my blood run cold. ‘Charley,’ he yelled in a way I had never heard him say her voice before. But without thinking, I already knew what it meant.
Paul had found Charley unresponsive in her room.
Darting upstairs, telling Jake and Callum to stay away, I didn’t want them to see.
With Paul starting CPR, I frantically dialled 999, hoping that Charley would come back.
How could she have listened to the bullies?
Within minutes, three ambulances arrived.
Being able to sit in the back of the ambulance, me and Charley were rushed to Northumbria Specialist Emergency Care Hospital.
Only, I wasn’t able to hold her
It was the most pain I’d ever felt
hand, she was still being worked on by specialists.
‘Come on, please,’ I wailed. Yet, as soon as we arrived, I was ushered into a side room, with Paul joining after being escorted by the police to the hospital.
Holding onto one another, we waited anxiously for an update about our girl.
Only, 20 minutes later, which felt like an eternity, a doctor walked in. ‘I’m so sorry, your daughter has passed away,’ he said.
Gripping onto Paul, I tried to stop myself from falling to the floor.
Our 12-year-old daughter had taken her own life.
And in that moment a part of me died, too.
It was the most harrowing pain I had ever felt – both me and Paul were distraught. I couldn’t help but feel guilty. The last thing I had said was about grounding her, not that I loved her – I felt crushed.
She saw no other way out… Only, I couldn’t think like that, it would tear me apart.
After telling the kids what had happened, with Sophie coming into hospital to say goodbye, we came together to organise her funeral.
Something we never thought we would have to do.
And on 23 October 2020, pulled by a horse-drawn carriage, we celebrated our little girl.
With Charley’s favourite song Thursday by Jess Glynne playing, it was the hardest day.
To know that Charley resorted to taking her own life was devastating.
No parent should ever have to experience what we did on that day and the days that followed, too.
I couldn’t help but feel angry – especially at the inquest into Charley’s death.
The coroner concluded that Charley had died as a result of suicide after bullying.
Those mean comments and words pushed our Charley into believing that not being here was the best thing to do.
Only, it was also revealed that after her second self-harm incident, no referral had been made for extra support, despite us being told that there was.
That moment had given Charley hope, but it wasn’t even true.
I felt disgusted – our girl had asked for help and it wasn’t given.
That’s why after Charley’s passing, I have thrown myself into doing as much as I can to not only keep Charley’s legacy alive, but to change the system.
Using my grief, I’ve been pushing for a change in the law to ensure all young people get the mental health care that they need within a set time – Charley Law.
Not only that, but Paul also threw himself into his grief.
Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in September 2023, he wanted to do so in Charley’s memory.
Our lives will never be the same knowing that our smiley girl is no longer with us.
But we can’t let Charley’s death be in vain – she will be remembered.
And I will do everything to make sure that everyone knows her name.
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