Your Dilemmas

My brother recently introduced his new girlfriend to me and the family, but I was mortified to realise she was part of a group that bullied me at school. I don’t think she recognised me, and she was very friendly. My family never knew I was bullied and my brother seems really happy with her. I’d hate to make things awkward for him, but this girl made my life hell.

Should I confront my old bully about how she hurt me?

YES

Pick Me Up! reader Nicola Cuthbertson says, ‘I would mention to her in private how you felt back then. Explain calmly that you lost your confidence because of how she and her mates treated you at school.

Most likely, she’ll feel really embarrassed and apologise. It might be that she was bullied herself, and that’s why she felt the need to bring you down. If she doesn’t apologise, at least you can gain some closure.’

NO

Pick Me Up! reader Janet Rogers says, ‘I wouldn’t confront her directly about it. However, I’d remind her you both went to the same school. Tell her that you were bullied and the effect it had on you. Ask whether she ever had a similar experience and leave it there. That way, you’ve gently let her know you remember her and what she did to you.

Then it’s up to her whether she lives in denial about how she treated you or faces up to her mistakes and apologises.’