i Beat Our Family Curse
Cancer robbed Naomi of both her parents but she fought back...
Growing up, I had a pretty normal upbringing. The middle child between an older sister and younger brother, I loved spending time with my family.
Sure, we had squabbles now and again, but we were close, taking holidays every year and enjoying trips to theme parks.
My parents Ian and Sheila had been together since they were teenagers.
Inseparable from the day they met, they had an unconditional bond, one we looked up to.
And they were so proud of all three of us.
But in 1996, as I started my first year at secondary school, our lives were ripped apart.
‘I have breast cancer,’ Mum told us one day.
She was only 35.
My memory of that time is fuzzy, but our parents tried to protect us from what was happening.
I remember Mum going through treatment, Dad supporting her as she battled through a single mastectomy, radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
It was tough, but our aim as a family was to carry on as normally as possible.
And a year or so after the diagnosis, we finally received good news.
‘I’m in remission,’ Mum announced after her final post-treatment scan.
Brief respite
Our normal, happy lives could resume…for now.
For two years, Mum was fighting fit and happy.
Only, when she was 38, she discovered the cancer was back.
What us kids didn’t know was that the cancer was much more aggressive this time. It was terminal.
Our parents decided not to tell us, choosing to protect our innocence.
But the reality soon became clear.
One night in January 1999, as we relaxed at home,
Mum started having trouble breathing.
I remember my dad ringing the ambulance.
Hours earlier, she’d been chatting and laughing, everything seemed OK. Now she was being rushed to hospital.
Next morning, Dad, then 39, said we weren’t going into school.
‘We need to go to the hospital,’ he explained tearfully.
I thought it was just a complication, that everything would be fine.
Instead, Mum died that day. The grief was too much to bear. We tried to support each other, but Dad was crumbling.
Although he tried to stay strong for us, he’d lost his childhood sweetheart.
Months on, Dad tried to take his own life. Attempting to overdose, he called his sister-in-law before it was too late.
‘It was a one-off,’ he promised. But in April 1999, three months after we’d lost our mum, he took his own life in our family home.
He couldn’t bear to carry on without his wife.
Cancer had robbed us of both parents. We were orphans.
My mum’s sister moved in
We tried to support each other but Dad was crumbling
for a while to take care of us. But when I was 17, I made a life-changing decision.
‘I’m moving out,’ I said. Spending time in our family home had become too much to bear. There were too many reminders of our old life.
Delayed grief
Slowly, the grief became a little easier to cope with.
Then, in 2006, I met Neil through a friend.
Bonding immediately, we fell in love, travelled the world and married in December 2011.
His love was an antidote to my pain.
Though I told him about my loss, he understood that
I didn’t like to speak about it.
But, having our daughter Layla, in November 2013, triggered something. Grief came pouring out. I desperately wanted my parents there for all those first, precious moments.
For all the difficult times, too, when your own mum’s advice is unbeatable. What would
she do? I’d wonder. ‘Maybe you should talk to someone,’ Neil said.
So, in April last year, I started seeing a counsellor.
It was so therapeutic. I finally started to feel at peace again.
Then, in the August,
I was on holiday in Canada when I discovered a lump in my breast.
I just knew it was cancer, history repeating itself…
Back home, the doctor referred me for a biopsy.
‘You have breast cancer,’ the oncologist confirmed.
We later discovered it was a coincidence, I didn’t have the cancer gene.
But that didn’t make the result any easier to hear.
Without Neil and Layla, I don’t know what I would’ve done. But I was determined to fight.
I refused to let cancer ruin any more lives. Layla wouldn’t grow up without her mum.
Six sessions of chemotherapy started in the October.
Then, this February, I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction, followed by radiotherapy.
It was all very intense. I was
sick and my hair fell out. But the treatment worked. And, in April, we got the two words we’d all been waiting for. All clear!
I’d beaten our family curse. Since my diagnosis, I’ve been fundraising for cancer research.
To date we’ve raised around £16,000 through family fun days, a black-tie ball, and other events.
Neil, 36, has completed two triathlons and two major cycling events.
Now, I’m feeling better than ever, though I have regular checkups and mammograms.
Not a day goes by when I don’t think about my parents.
But every time I look at Layla, I realise how lucky I am to be alive.
And I’ve just had even more good news...i’m pregnant!
Life looks even brighter.
In April, we got the two words we’d been waiting for...