Move over Kim K!
kelly holgate, 33, from Nottingham, has had enough of vain celebs online
It was time for a photo of me crouching by our wheelie bins!
Scrolling through Instagram, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
‘Sooo many trout pouts and fake smiles,’ I sighed.
It was September 2017 and, as Content Executive for a lifestyle brand, I followed all the reality stars, such as the Kardashians and TOWIE crew, on social media.
At first, I’d enjoyed seeing their photos and watching their make-up tutorials.
But I’d soon realised they all posed identically. Cleavage out while pouting at the camera… Cringe!
With 118 million Instagram followers, Kim Kardashian got plenty of likes just for modelling lipgloss.
Celeb influencers were making big bucks! But were their lives really so perfect?
I bet they take 50 selfies before getting the right one, I thought.
They probably used digital wizardry to erase their wrinkles and love handles, too!
‘Hardly a great example for their young fans,’ I said to my boyfriend Dan, 37.
Time for someone to redress the balance and highlight all the online falseness...
‘I’ve started an Instagram account called ‘Blogger Off,’ I told Dan in October. ‘No pouting selfies allowed.’ Soon, I’d 25 followers. Yay! My first posts – jokey photos of my new Primark shoes and beauty ‘ hauls’, captioned:
Who gives a **** what’s in my shopping bags? only got a handful of likes.
‘Well, even Kylie Jenner had to start somewhere,’ I reassured myself. But I needed a game plan. This wasn’t about being bitchy. I wanted to take the mickey and make people laugh. First on my radar? Made In Chelsea’s Louise Thompson, who appeared on my feed pouting and holding a bottle of pricey highlighting lotion. Anything she can do,
I can do…worse, I thought, grabbing a brown eyeliner and painting on a monobrow. Then, I picked up a cheap highlighter, set the timer on my camera phone and pulled the stupidest face I could muster. Click!
‘Perfect,’ I shrieked, posting it on my Instagram, next to Louise’s pic.
The comments and likes flooded in.
Love what you’re doing...
You’re hilarious..!
I started posting three times a week, using celebrities as inspiration.
I copied Lauren Goodger’s sultry selfie by contorting my face beyond recognition, did a Kris Jenner pic using a Halloween wig, and pulled a face while lippy-ing up like Rita Ora.
Blokes weren’t safe, either. When Love Island’s Marcel Somerville posted a photo of himself kissing an egg, I did my own comedy version.
In May 2018, Love Island’s Kady Mcdermott posed topless, holding two coconuts to cover her modesty.
This one has my name all over it, I thought, grabbing a couple of shrivelled-up limes from the fridge. It got more than 500 likes!
As my ideas grew more outrageous, I enlisted help.
‘Can you take a photo of me crouching in a fake fur coat by our wheelie bins?’ I asked my brother Alex, 36, this August.
‘Utterly bonkers,’ he muttered as he snapped away.
Inspired by Kim Kardashian, that went down a storm.
I’ve now reached over 3,000 followers. I always tag the celebs I’m parodying and haven’t had a negative reaction yet.
As long as folk keep giggling, I’ll keep posting. But if there are online trolls who don’t like what I’m doing?
Well, frankly, they can blogger off!