Our surprise baby was smaller than a watch
Katie Stanley, 30, from Leeds, had waited so long to bring her baby boy home with her…
Gently, the nurse placed my baby boy Vinnie on my chest. Weighing a little over 2lb, I was terrified of breaking him.
It had taken me so long to get to this moment, but I was frozen with relief – and guilt.
You see, before falling pregnant with Vinnie, me and my fiancé, Jonathan, 28, had been trying for nearly six years.
Sadly, I’d been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), and told I’d struggle to fall pregnant.
But I’d need to lose three stone before I could have IVF.
So, determined to have our own child, I threw myself into weight loss and six months later, I’d dropped 2st 7lb.
But then suddenly, something amazing happened. I was pregnant!
Due to my PCOS and having irregular periods, I had to take pregnancy tests every month anyway, just in case.
Usually, it would be negative and once again I’d be filled with sadness and disappointment, but this time, there were two lines.
‘I don’t believe it,’ Jonathan said, trying to remain calm.
But a scan at the IVF clinic confirmed it was true.
‘Looks like you won’t be needing us after all,’ the nurses smiled at us.
At first, my pregnancy was an absolute dream.
I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to finally be carrying our much longed for baby.
And then, at 19 weeks, feeling confident in my body, myself, Jonathan, my mum and her husband all went to York for my 30th birthday.
‘Let’s go shopping,’ Mum smiled at me.
We shopped until we dropped – quite literally!
When hen we got back,
I crashed down, when suddenly, I felt something trickling down the inside of my leg.
‘What’s happening?’ I panicked.
Only, the next thing I knew, I could hear the buzzing of hospital machines and staff.
As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I had no idea what was going on around me.
Then, the next morning, I was transferred from York Hospital, back to my local St James’ in Leeds.
By now, I was starting to come around, but sadly, I’d already lost nearly 4½ litres of blood.
‘You know what’s happened, don’t you?’ the paramedic said.
‘It’s likely to be a miscarriage with that much blood.’ My y mind raced. Why was my body doing this to me now?
When hen we arrived at the hospital, I knew I had a difficult decision to make.
‘If it is a miscarriage, we’re clearly not destined to be parents,’ I told Jonathan. ‘We won’t try again.’
Although lthough my heart was breaking, I just prayed everything would be OK.
And somehow, through some miracle, it actually was.
Doctors were able to find a heartbeat.
‘See, we are meant to be parents,’ Jonathan sobbed.
It was a huge sigh of relief for the both of us, but we had no idea what had caused the bleeding.
Over the next month, I was in and out of hospital, needing numerous blood transfusions.
We still didn’t know what was causing the bleeds, but the blood loss was weakening the membrane around my uterus.
‘You may well go into premature labour,’ doctors warned me.
I felt hopeless.
After everything, I still couldn’t carry my precious baby.
Due to the heavy blood loss, I’d been kept in hospital for two weeks, where they’d inserted a
PICC line, to pump blood to my heart.
I was due to be sent home to relax, when suddenly, I felt something trickling down my legs again.
At first, I thought it was blood, but when I looked, it was water.
With Jonathan visiting family, my brother and sisterin-law, Jacqueline, were there with me. ‘I think your waters have broken,’ Jacqueline said. She was right. Jonathan arrived at the hospital within the hour and I was given antibiotics to stop any infection.
However, within less than 24-hours, I’d had an allergic reaction to the medication and was diagnosed with sepsis.
‘We need to get the baby out,’ doctors said. ‘The infection could kill them.’ It felt like the whole world was against me having my child, but I refused to give up.
Pulling together all the energy I had, at just 24-weeks, little Vinnie arrived naturally on 6 December, 2019,
Why couldn’t I grow him properly?
weighing just 1lb 10oz.
As he was so small, I didn’t get those precious first cries.
Thankfully, he was alive, but I just about caught a glimpse of him before doctors whisked him away.
They wrapped him in a see-through bag and placed a tiny hat on his head to keep him warm, but that’s all I saw.
Due to haemorrhaging during labour, I was taken straight down to surgery.
For several hours, Jonathan sat in the hospital waiting room, not knowing if his fiancée or son would make it.
Thankfully, my operation went well and the nurses were doing everything they could for our Vinnie.
‘He’s 16 weeks early, he has a 50/50 chance of surviving,’ doctors warned. ‘He has a long road ahead of him.’
It broke my heart. Jonathan saw him straight away, but as I was so weak, I had to wait two days. ‘Can you take me in a wheelchair?’ I asked a nurse. ‘I think I want to go alone.’
In a way, I was so scared of seeing Vinnie, that I didn’t know how I’d react.
Deep down, I felt so guilty that I couldn’t grow him inside of me properly.
And when I was wheeled next to him in the incubator, all those fears rushed straight to the surface.
He was so tiny.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I whispered. For or the next two weeks, the nurses allowed us to help them change Vinnie’s nappy and wipe any milk away from his mouth – but I couldn’t do it.
Too scared to touch him, I was absolutely terrified.
He was so fragile, I didn’t want to harm him.
‘Why Why don’t you try?’ Jonathan said one day.
Suddenly, uddenly, I broke down, unable to control my emotions.
‘I feel so guilty,’ I sobbed. ‘Why couldn’t I carry him properly!’ Just saying it made me feel a little better. After that, doctors wanted to help me bond and so, when he was just twoweeks-old, we were allowed to hold him and do skin-to-skin. P Placing him on my chest, all my fears were washed away. F Feeling his warmth on me, I knew he needed me, and from then on, there was no going back. S Scans showed that Vinnie had two bleeds on his brain, as well as two holes in his little heart. ‘They’re both very normal for premature babies,’ doctors told us. Regardless, little Vinnie was placed on a drug trial to see if they would fix themselves. Due to his eyesight not fully developing, he also had to have laser eye surgery to prevent blindness in the future. But despite all that, Vinnie was making really good progress, and now when I looked at him, I felt nothing but pure love. We even took some pictures of him next to Jonathan’s watch so we could send the photos to our family.
With tests revealing that the bleeds on his brain had disappeared and his heart was healing, we knew we were on the road home.
And on 4 March this year, after 14 weeks in hospital, we walked out of there as a proud family of three.
Vinnie was hooked up to an oxygen tank and had to be fed by a tube, but with the help of Hospital and Outreach, we knew how to look after him.
Although we’d wanted this moment for so long, it was utterly terrifying.
As he still wasn’t crying much, we were paying extra attention to figure out what he needed and when.
And when he was taken off the oxygen tank a few weeks later, I didn’t sleep a wink.
Hovering over his crib as he slept, I listened very closely for his breathing.
But today, weighing 9lb and crying the house down, Vinnie is doing so well.
He giggles, rolls around and gets our attention.
Vinnie’s heart and brain are now fully recovered and we go for regular eye-tests to check on his vision.
He’s completely outgrown his dad’s watch, too.
Now, he cries the roof down, but I’m so thankful.
We’ve wanted this moment for so long, and we’re going to cherish every moment.
I may not have been able to carry him to full-term, but I’ll be the best mum I possibly can now he’s here.