Getting dumped made me fall in love with myself
Lindsay Pownall, 35, from Liverpool, is finally showing off her best self…
Returning home after five years working on cruise ships, it felt good to get back to my old life. And falling in love with a charming older man, I felt like all my stars had aligned.
However, it was a rollercoaster of a romance.
Moving in together after just three short months, it was all or nothing.
And when things got rough and he showed his true colours, I turned to food for comfort.
During our year-and-a-half relationship, I put on nearly two stone.
Gorging on bread, chocolate, cake and biscuits, my weight shot up to 17st.
I knew the relationship was toxic, but I was madly in love.
So, when it came to an end in May 2018, I was heartbroken.
At 33, I was forced to move back into my parent’s house.
My dad Eddie, 66, and mum Linda, 70, were always supportive, but I fell into a very dark place.
Unable to get out of bed most days, to begin with my weight dropped by a few pounds.
‘Try and eat something,’ Dad would say, but I couldn’t face it.
However, a few weeks later once that initial phase was over, food became my best friend.
Suddenly, I was back to my old habits of chowing down on bread, pizza and tasty chocolate.
Only this time, it was all day, every day.
Within just five months, my weight had soared to 20st 1lb.
But I didn’t care.
I was depressed, and I wanted to wallow in a state of self-loathing. If he didn’t love me, then why should I love myself?
Despite being 33, I’d never truly had my heart broken and I just didn’t know how to cope.
I felt like I had to punish myself all the time.
Most days, Dad would have to drag me out of bed so I would go to work.
I’d lost complete control of my life and my confidence had plummeted to a new low.
Then one day, in the September, Dad gave me the wake-up call I needed.
‘Darling, we’d love you no matter your size,’ he stated. ‘But we’re worried about your health – you don’t look like yourself anymore.’
I was upset, not wanting to hear his words and Mum even stepped in to shout at him on my behalf.
‘You’re upsetting her,’ she yelled at him.
But as I looked up to face him, I could see the despair in his eyes. In that moment, I knew I had to change.
If not for me, then for them. And so, that day, I vowed to make a difference.
Carbs have always been my weakness, so I forced myself to cut them out.
No more bread, pizza or cake for me.
I started tracking my calories to make sure I didn’t overeat.
Carefully monitoring my weight on the scales, slowly the pounds started to fall away.
Over time, I found replacements for my carb-based loves.
Switching cakes for granola bars and pasta for low-carb noodles, I didn’t find it too hard.
Of course I had cravings, but I managed to kick them.
Filling myself with proteinbased foods such as chicken and salmon, I kept myself full.
And as the weight dropped away, soon my mental health started to improve. ‘The old you is coming back,’ my parents smiled.
And although I still had a long journey ahead of me, they were absolutely right.
And by the time Christmas rolled around, I was back up and running.
By now, I’d incorporated exercise into my weight loss.
I’d started doing Couch to 5k, swimming and going on long dog walks.
Still recovering from the breakup, exercise was a great way to clear my head.
Out on my own, I could breathe.
However, although the heartbreak was easing and my weight was finally levelling out, my self-confidence was still at rock bottom.
Suddenly, I noticed every flaw on my body.
At 5ft 10in, I’ve always been a curvy woman and I’ve always had a little bulge at the bottom
If not for me, then for my parents
of my stomach.
I like to think I’d always carried myself well, wearing clothes that flattered my shape.
But now, I saw that bulge as something that would always hold me back.
‘I’ll never be confident until it’s gone,’ I told my friends.
And alongside that, I also wanted my boobs lifted.
So, in December 2019, I forked out £13,000 to have a tummy tuck and boob job.
It was a well needed present to myself.
And in the New Year, recovering in bed, dosed up on painkillers, I had a realisation.
I need to focus on my confidence, I told myself.
I’d spent all this time, energy and money on my appearance, now it was time to take care of the inside.
And so, browsing online, I came across a body confidence course.
£100 down to £30!
Bargain, thought to myself.
Entering my details, I signed myself up.
‘Once I’m better better, I’ll go,’ I told Mum later that evening.
Only, two weeks later, realising I didn’t have a clue when the course started, I pinged up the email chain.
Oh no, I thought as I stared at all of the details.
High on painkillers, I hadn’t signed up to a body confidence course, but Miss Curvaceous UK Beauty Pageant!
It had a body confidence class included in the package, so I must have got confused when I was booking.
Jumping on the phone to tell my friends, everyone just laughed, before encouraging me to do it.
‘Why not?’ they all said. Despite still recovering from the surgery, my confidence had already gone through the roof.
Every time I looked at my boobs and stomach, I couldn’t help but smile.
‘Maybe I could,’ I laughed. The competition wasn’t until June, so I had a while to decide.
And a few weeks later, back out of bed and at work, I felt like a different person.
My mental health had drastically improved and I was no longer ashamed of my body.
Weighing 13st 8lb and slipping into a size 14 dress, I’m proud of my body.
I have curves in all the right places and finally, I’m at a healthy weight.
After applying for the pageant, a photography company got in touch and asked me to do a test shoot.
Since then, they’ve handed my pictures out to various agencies and three have already signed me up!
I haven’t done any actual work yet, but it’s nice knowing that one day I could.
Unfortunately, the competition has been postponed until December, but I can’t wait to get up on that stage once and for all!
Even if I did want to back out, I don’t think my friends would let me.
Two years on after my heartbreak and I don’t even recognise the girl I once was.
I allowed myself to become unhealthy and unhappy because of an unworthy man.
Today, happily single, I’m finally focusing on myself.
The body confidence class may have been postponed, but I’ve got all the confidence I need!
I still want to lose a bit of weight, but not that much.
I guess I won’t know until I reach it, but right now I wouldn’t go any lower than a size 14.
You don’t have to be a size 8 to be happy – look at me, I’m curvy and proud!
I still live with my parents, but I’m living my best life.
I’m happy, healthy and curvylicious baby!