Alumpofcoal…

QI hate to be ungrateful, but my partner isn’t the best at Christmas shopping at all! He always ends up buying me presents that stay in the cupboard or that I never use. I am so thankful that he spends his money on me – but does he really know me? Sophie, Lancaster

AI hear your gratitude for his effort AND your acknowledgement that he is way off the mark.

I am curious about how you respond to his gifts and whether you have spoken to him about your preferences?

We all respond well to clear and loving communication and your partner will, too.

I wonder what has left him believing that he’s choosing well and, resultantly, what has left you not using his gifts which stay in the cupboard?

There are several solutions, all of which can be managed with care and love.

How about you suggest the two of you make a ‘Dear Santa…’ list or name the thing you most want for Christmas.

You could even do a Secret Santa across the wider family to take the heat out of present buying.

It sounds like it’s time to shake things up and have a bit more truth and fun at Christmas time.

AYou’re not being unreasonable, if you don’t want to go, whatever your reasons, you don’t have to. It may be time to open out the decision making process with your family. Surely anything is better than suffering in silence through Christmas Day?

You get to choose your approach to handling this and I invite you to be as clear and clean in your communication as you are able to be.

It is patently clear your needs are not met by the option of going to the pub so let’s explore your options...

You could call the pub and request a vegetarian meal, you could ask whether they offer takeaways and ask your family if they would join you in having it at home.

Or you could offer to host Christmas at yours and make it work for everyone.

These are just a few options, more will be available and I invite you to account them all before you approach the chat you need to have so that you can move towards the Christmas you want and need.