GIFT OF LOVE
Samantha Knott, 49, from Blackpool, was having the time of her life on her honeymoon – then everything changed...
Settling down on the sofa as the familiar Emmerdale theme music played, I snuggled up to my boyfriend Graham.
He’d never really been into soaps – but I was a big fan, and since I’d moved in with him in May 2018, he’d got more into it than I was!
‘Quick, Sam!’ he’d call if I wasn’t ready. ‘Emmerdale’s starting!’
But that night, as the show went into its ad break, Graham placed his phone on my lap.
‘What’s this?’ I asked, picking it up and looking at a resort in Turkey.
‘We’re going on holiday,’ Graham smiled.
I was shocked – it was such a thoughtful surprise.
But that was Graham all over. We’d been together since February 2017, after meeting online, and straight away I knew he was special.
Having been on my own for 10 years, I wasn’t looking for love. But Graham was so kind and thoughtful, I just fell for him.
Just two weeks later, in September 2018, we’d packed our bags and flown from our home in Blackburn to sunny Turkey.
One afternoon, we were strolling around the quaint streets near our hotel when I spotted a little jewellery shop.
Looking in the window, I saw a beautiful opal ring.
‘What are you looking at?’ Graham asked, and I pointed it out to him.
‘Let’s go in and have a look,’ Graham smiled.
Trying it on the ring finger on my right hand, it was the perfect fit.
‘I’ll buy it for you,’ Graham said, but I shook my head. ‘It’s too much,’ I protested. But Graham was insistent. And handing it over to the cashier, he put the box in his pocket and out we went.
Leisurely heading back to the hotel, we stopped for a drink on the promenade by the beach, watching the sun set.
Graham was walking slightly ahead of me – and all of a sudden, he turned round and got down on one knee, pulling the ring out of his pocket.
‘Will you marry me?’ he asked, and my jaw dropped. ‘Of course!’ I cried.
It was the last thing I expected, but it was perfect.
Buying a bottle of bubbly, we toasted our engagement back at the hotel and sent pictures to friends and family back home.
And a few days later, we headed back home to start planning our big day.
We didn’t want anything big or fancy – my only stipulation was that I wanted to tie the knot in Blackpool, where I’m from.
We planned it all in just a few short months – we just wanted to be husband and wife.
Making our flowers and buttonholes out of foam, for a few weeks before the wedding, Graham and I spent our nights in front of Emmerdale like a conveyer belt, creating stunning blooms.
And before I knew it, the big day in July 2019 had finally arrived. Staying at my mate’s house the night before, along with my sister and Graham’s daughter, we had a chilled night with a Chinese takeaway as I tried to calm my nerves.
But mainly, I was just excited to be Graham’s wife.
On the morning of the wedding, slipping into my classic white gown, I felt a million dollars.
As I made my way up the aisle towards Graham, Vanessa Carlton’s A Thousand Miles played in the background and I felt overcome with emotion. Tying the knot at the stunning Winter Gardens in Blackpool in front of 60 of our friends and family, it was a perfect day as we were pronounced man and wife.
Heading to the nearby Regal Hotel for our reception, we had a wedding breakfast of hot pot and steak pie before taking to the floor for our first dance to Ed Sheeran.
And the next day, we were both still on cloud nine.
‘Have you met my wife?’ Graham said to everyone we saw. ‘This is my wife.’
It was adorable. Settling into life as a married couple, we had a bit of time before our honeymoon in Egypt in late December 2019.
When the time finally came, we settled down on the plane, excited to finally celebrate our marriage with some quality time together.
It was a wonderful trip to cement our love, and clinking Champagne glasses as the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, I felt so happy.
After two weeks soaking up the African sunshine, we flew home, ready to carry on our lives together.
And five weeks after getting back, in February 2020, I
I was just excited to be his wife
headed into town for a night out with the girls.
Getting my glad rags on, Graham offered to give me a lift to the bar, popping in for a quick drink with us before heading off to see his daughter.
‘See you later,’ I said, giving him a kiss goodbye. ‘I love you.’
‘Love you more,’ he replied, smiling.
I got home at about 1am, quietly opening the door so I didn’t wake Graham. But as I put my key in the lock, the door suddenly opened.
‘Hello, beautiful,’ Graham smiled. ‘You had a good time?’
‘What are you doing up?’ I said.
‘Just having a bowl of Cheerios,’ he replied – it was one of his little quirks, he often woke up in the early hours for a little snack before heading back to bed again.
Going upstairs to get into my pyjamas and take my makeup off, by the time I got under the covers, Graham was back in bed, too. After a quick cuddle, we both drifted off to sleep.
But then I noticed Graham making funny noises, like a gargling sound – almost like he was choking.
‘What are you doing?’ I laughed at him.
But as I turned to face him, I realised something was wrong.
‘Graham?’ I said, shaking his chest. ‘Are you alright?’
He was looking straight at me – but there was nothing behind his eyes.
Getting him onto the floor, I quickly dialled 999 as I started to panic.
Graham wasn’t breathing. ‘You need to perform CPR,’ the call handler told me, talking me through it.
‘Is someone coming?’ I screamed down the phone. ‘I need help!’
Paramedics quickly turned up and took over.
Graham was rushed in one ambulance to Blackburn Hospital, while I followed behind in another.
The whole time, horrible scenarios were going through my head.
What if he doesn’t make it? I thought in horror.
It was like a nightmare, and I just wanted to wake up from it.
The wait at the hospital as doctors worked on Graham was torture.
Eventually, one of his doctors came to see me.
They couldn’t tell me exactly what had happened – but they thought Graham had had a brain haemorrhage.
While he was transferred to Preston Hospital, I dashed home to pack a case then rushed straight there. His family were there waiting, too – we all knew it wasn’t good.
Why did this happen? I kept thinking. How?
‘I’m sorry,’ a doctor told us after they’d run numerous tests. ‘But Graham is brain dead. There’s nothing more we can do.’
Graham was only 44, he was fit as a fiddle. He’d been eating Cheerios and chatting away happily just minutes before. Now he was dead. It was such a shock. I never left Graham’s side – they even put him in a bigger bed so I could lie next to him. There was no laughter or cheesy jokes any more – all I could hear was the beeping of the heart monitor and the soft hum of the life support machine. As he was an organ donor, there were lots of processes to happen behind the scenes, so I got to spend one last night with him, holding him tight as tears streamed down my cheeks. And the next day, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to turn his life support machine off.
That evening, I said my final goodbyes as he was wheeled down to theatre.
The whole thing felt completely surreal.
We hadn’t even been married a year – now I was making arrangements for my husband’s funeral.
I couldn’t face going back to the home we shared, so I went to stay with my sister as I tried to process what had happened. Everything felt like a blur. It took a couple of weeks before I managed to go home – and eventually, unable to cope there without Graham, I ended up moving house.
We held
Graham’s funeral in April 2020, and it was the hardest day of my life.
I’ve blocked a lot of it out, and in the months that followed, I struggled to cope.
But months later, a letter arrived in the post.
It was information about people who had benefitted from Graham’s organs.
A gentleman in his 60s received a kidney transplant after a seven-year wait, a lady in her 50s also got a kidney transplant after waiting for four years, and a man in his 50s had a life-saving liver transplant, too.
Graham saved all these people, I thought, tears dropping from my cheeks onto the letter.
I missed Graham so much – but knowing he’d helped so many people was a huge comfort to me.
I know it would have made him so happy.
Now, nearly four years on, I’m still not over losing Graham. I’m not sure I ever will be.
He was the love of my life and I miss him every day.
But I take each day as it comes and do what I can to honour Graham’s memory.
Last year I went out to Turkey, around the time of Graham’s birthday, to spread some of his ashes in the Mediterranean Sea. It was such a special place to us.
We were both big kids, always having fun and having a laugh together.
But Graham gave me the gift of love, and I’ll cherish that for the rest of my life.
He started making funny noises