Fingers crossed for a ticket to the World Toilet Summit
don’t spend too much time during the working day skiving on the loo.
This seems a great shame as I don’t know about you but sitting on the toilet is the highlight of my day.
I treat going to the work toilet like a mini-holiday. I recline on the seat, stretch out my legs as if settling on a sun lounger, take a deep contented breath and then crack open a small beer and read The Guardian from front to back.
Those precious solitary relaxing few minutes are a pleasure, so news of this new uncomfortable loo – which apparently has a 13 degree sloping seat to increase strain on the legs, making sitting there for more than five minutes virtually impossible – is rather disturbing.
But what caught my eye regards this story wasn’t really news of the loo, but the line, ‘the design has been approved by the BTA (British Toilet Association)’.
The what? I had no idea such an organisation existed. How marvellous. Imagine being the chief executive and describing your job at a dinner party. ‘Colin, what do you do for living?’ ‘Well, Malcolm, keep it under your hat but I’m chief exec of the British Toilet Association. Could you pass the foie gras?’
I spent a very happy half hour on the BTA’s website and learned some fascinating things. Did you know, for example, they produce a Truckers’ Toilets Newsletter? It’s true. A recent edition contained an article which read: ‘The Around the Toilet team from Sheffield Hallam University had two adjoining stands at Utopia Fair at Somerset House where there were opportunities to listen to people’s stories and design a loo.’ It’s fascinating stuff.
I assumed the BTA is just a British thing but it turns out loads of countries have a national toilet association and there’s even an annual World Toilet Summit, this year’s taking place in Brazil.
Forget the Olympics or the World Cup, I would love to go to a World Toilet Summit where I imagine there are heated discussions about ballcock design, and perhaps the chance to sit on the latest lavatories and rate them out of 10.
On closer inspection, disappointingly it turns out the summit is actually about more serious issues, like trying to ensure people worldwide have better access to toilets and that every household is given a free nine-pack of Andrex Extra Quilted with added Aloe Vera (I may have made up that last bit).
But I still fancy going, which brings me full circle back to Christmas. If anyone wants to get me a gift as a token of thanks for the past 12 months of these nonaward-winning columns, a ticket for next year’s World Toilet Summit would be terrific.
Thanks in advance and happy Christmas to one and all.