Time to break free of fear’s all-encompassing embrace
Idon’t remember the first time I actually felt scared. There is no terrifying incident seared into my memory at a ridiculously young age. But I think the moment I experienced fear and understood what it meant, in some way, shape or form, came when watching an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine.
I know, you are probably thinking – wait, how is a children’s show that scary?
You see there was an episode involving a ghost train; I can still remember the way ribbons that were attached to its body fluttered in the moonlight.
I was so spooked I fled the living room. From that moment onwards I was so scared of ghosts that I would have to sleep with the cover over my head. Apparently to my young mind that was the only logical way to protect myself from spirits.
Fear is an emotion I know well, perhaps second only to self-loathing, but in 2020 it has been a nearly omnipresent feeling.
Everywhere I turn it is there. I step outside for a walk, it steps out with me. Pop into the supermarket, the worst case scenarios flash through my head.
I know they say that young people don’t have to worry about the virus but that doesn’t ease my mind.
I seemingly always get the flu in September and January, each year like clockwork, and I’m left bedridden for days.
What if I get the coronavirus and get it bad? Or get it and pass it on to other people.
It’s why despite the Eat Out to Help Out scheme taking place last month, I couldn’t be tempted to go out for food.
The idea of going to a restaurant or a pub just struck my heart with fear.
But I realised that I can’t shy away from society forever and on a spur of the moment decision, in a bid to escape my mind for a few hours, I made my way to the Vue cinema.
At first I almost turned away and chickened out but I steeled myself and forced myself to go in.
Taking my seat, I felt an initial surge of panic bubbling up but as I looked around and saw the rest of the crowd was wearing face masks it eased my worry.
I’m not sure when life will feel normal again, but at least I took a baby step away from fear’s all-encompassing embrace.