Caring for his elderly aunt is exhausting me - help!

QFor the past four years, my husband’s elderly aunt has lived with us. She does need a lot of constant care though – she has a catheter that I’ve had to learn how to change for her. We were having regular visits from the district nurse, but these didn’t happen anything like as frequently because of Covid and, frankly, I’m exhausted. I would dearly love a break but I feel so guilty having these thoughts.

A Please don’t feel guilty! Nobody has the strength to care for another person indefinitely. You have to have a break now and then to recharge your batteries. I am amazed that you have coped this long, especially as this lady is not a direct relative of yours.

Your life has been put on hold for the last four years.

Why not consider giving yourself a much-needed Christmas present? Find out about respite care for a week or two, then take a much-needed break. You could consider a holiday or spend a couple of weeks relaxing at home.

QOur children have grown up and left home so my husband and I have more time on our hands. We would like to do some voluntary work with the elderly.

We both like a chat over a cake and cup of tea and wondered if there were any organisations that did this sort of thing. We have a large car and both of us can drive, so surely someone will take us.

A There are lots of ways to find volunteering opportunities. Contacting local charities and looking at websites is a good place to start. You could try websites such as ‘doit.life/discover’ and ‘reachvolunteering.org.uk’ where you can search all manner of local opportunities.

An organisation that sounds ideal for you is Re-engage (reengage.org.uk), which was called ‘Contact the Elderly’. Among the many things they do is organise social get-togethers. They set up independent, self-administered groups of volunteers and elderly people who cannot leave their homes without help.