Can my ex-wife stop me from seeing my kids?

Q

After my divorce four years ago, my wife gained full custody of our two children (now aged 14 and 12). At first, I was able to see them regularly, but it has become increasingly difficult.

Last September I had taken a half day off work to see them (pre-arranged). When I arrived, my ex said both of them were too busy to see me. Can she deny access like this?

A

Not knowing the basis of the agreement you first reached with your ex-wife makes it difficult for me to comment on this. If a court order was used to establish access arrangements, my understanding is that your ex cannot deny your visits, unless they are causing harm. Even if the arrangement was created out of court, there must have been some sort of agreement between you. My first suggestion would be to have a proper discussion with your ex-wife and explain how you are feeling. It may be that she is simply unaware. Maybe the children really do have a lot of school commitments.

Q

During a rough patch in the early years of my marriage, I had a very brief fling with an old boyfriend. My partner and I patched it up, and now we have a wonderful marriage. The problem is, I don’t know which man is the biological father of my seven-year-old son.

Part of me thinks my son has every right to know who his biological father is, and that I should do all I can to find out.

A

The only way to know for sure is via DNA testing. This would require the consent of the adult providing samples. Therefore, you would really need to have a conversation about it with your husband. The longer you leave this, the more devastating the consequences could be if further down the line, your husband and son discover they are not biologically related. I would encourage you to talk to a counsellor before you broach this with your husband, but I do believe you’re going to have to tell him eventually. Visit relate.org.uk or the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk).

Write to Fiona Caine c/o Hollie Busby, 1000 Lakeside, North Harbour, Portsmouth PO6 3EN or hollie.busby@jpimedia.co.uk Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence, nor pass letters on to other readers.