Martin Roberts
My home from home
Our columnist’s musings about touring
DARN IT! THE bloomin’ clocks have gone back. It’s now dark just after lunch. But at least the milking farmers are happy evacuating udders in twilight, as opposed to the pitch dark. Good friends of mine are dairy farmers. They’re up at 4am for most of the year. Has anyone ever asked them whether it would make a blind bit of difference if we just left things as they were when it came to resetting the clocks? And if we’re creating a particular time zone just for farmers, why stop at that profession? Why not have a time zone that suits painters and decorators, or car mechanics? Why just jobs? What about hobbies? Let’s adopt a time zone that’s perfect for people who knit or play golf or build bird tables. Or even… how’s this for an idea… a specific time zone for us caravanning folk? What would be ideal? Well, there’s nothing like early mornings on a campsite, when the smoke from frying bacon creates a haze around the trees, through which shafts of golden sunlight cascade. But we like a lie-in. We’re on holiday, after all. So let’s make sunrise about 10am-ish. Then the evenings… aaahhh… those balmy evenings when the (what is the collective noun for barbecues? Perhaps ‘smoked’, or ‘griddle’) of barbecues is lit in unison and the sound of popping wine corks and sizzling burgers serenades the sunset. But it’s nice to have the evenings starting at a reasonable time, to give us the chance to go out for at the day and return in good time. So about 7pm-ish. So that’s sunrise at 10am, sunset at 7pm, then. I reckon we need to put the clocks forward a few hours in the morning, then back a few hours at night. And adjust for the time of year and geographical location. So in Swansea, say, in June, you’d have to adjust your clock forward by three hours and 17 minutes in the morning and back by one hour and 20 minutes at night. Then in Scarborough in September, it would be forward two hours 50 minutes in the morning and back 35 minutes in the evening. I’m liking this idea, but I’m mindful it might get a bit complicated. So with that in mind, I’m delighted to announce that, in conjunction with Practical Caravan, I’ve developed a highly specialised caravanning clock, which cleverly adjusts itself, based on the time of year and where you are. It is going to be available in good time for Christmas, so please consider it when you are shopping for stocking fillers! Alternatively, you could buy one like my dad has in his kitchen. The hour hand points to numbers on the dial that say ‘Oneish’, ‘Twoish’, ‘Threeish’ and so on. I love that clock. It’s the ideal Caravanners’ Clock.
Visit Martin’s website www.martinroberts.co.uk for information about him, his books and his property training weekends, and follow his adventures on Twitter @Tvmartinroberts