HARD DAY AT THE OFFICE?
Power games and workplace affairs
Is your office the dullest place on earth? Or a hot bed of affairs, shagging in the stationery cupboard and nefarious use of the photocopier? Or are those just your daydreams as you drum your fingers on your desk, wishing the clock towards 5pm?
There seems to be something about the office that gets a lot of people a bit hot and bothered. Is it a fantasy of being rogered by the boss across your desk or the opportunity to engage in some illicit activity with a colleague – or just the promise of a Christmas Party snog with that cutie from the post room?
“We’ve all done it,” says relationship expert and agony uncle Jonathan Welford of gaydatingexpert.com.
“I’ve had office relationships – most people have. You’re in close confines with these people for most of your waking life so it’s to be expected as you see them every day and build up a relationship with them. When you’re feeling horny or emotional, there are people right there who appreciate what you’re going through as they’re feeling the same.
“It’s been around for years; ever since the dawn of time people have been having sex with people they work with – the drunken fumble at the office party is an old trend!”
Behavioural psychologist Marisa Peer
(marisapeer.com) agrees that offices seem to foster connections on all sorts of levels.
“We tend to like people who are like us, and all have a need for connections, so when we see someone every day and they become familiar, they can become attractive.
“It’s a bit like Stockholm Syndrome, where a hostage falls in love with their captor. When you see someone regularly they become more attractive. In an office you can’t really stop someone growing on you, because you’re spending time with them and share connections through your work. It’s all about proximity as you’re around these people a lot and they just grow on you.”
Matt Jordan is a director and photographer and founder of Men at Play (menatplay.com), a UK-based gay porn company specialising in suited and office sex DVDs. He thinks the desire to connect with people you work with sexually is as much about the office itself as it is about the people.
“It’s the serious business environment that makes workplace or office sex such a turn on. It appeals to our need to be naughty; sex in a controlled business environment with men in the conformist uniform of the suit seems more incongruous and exciting.”
Relationship expert Welford has some advice for anyone thinking of sleeping with a colleague – or their boss.
“You have to go in with your eyes open – so often people are just thinking of that moment, not the long term ripple effect. It’s OK if you’re sleeping with someone on an equal pay grade or management level but it rarely happens that way because if you’re equals it doesn’t have that classic scenario with the power dynamic involved.”
Marisa Peer recognises the importance of “power play” in office relationships, too.
“Power play or the attraction to the boss is very real. We’re attracted to powerful people as it taps into our primal need to feel protected and looked after.” Men At Play’s Matt Jordan agrees. “Power play is pretty much everything when it comes to office or suit sex. The suit represents the powerful dominant male and you either wear it and feel dominant or want to be dominated by it. Overpowering the suited man is really horny because it changes the balance of power that is so strongly symbolised by the suit.”
It would be good to think that office gossip about someone’s sexuality was a thing of the past but anyone who’s worked in an office, whether openly gay or not, will know that there’s always speculation when someone new joins the company.
So how about opening Grindr at your desk to find out if the new suited totty is on there too? Jonathan Welford advises caution:
“I think the closeted queen isn’t really out there any more, it’s normally quite obvious who’s gay – just look at any social media, you don’t need to open Grindr! The risk is that doing so is like all your Christmases coming at once as it offers all these distractions to actually doing your job!” Marissa Peer agrees. “If my PA was online checking people out, I wouldn’t be very happy! Apart from the fact that you might get fired, going on something like Grindr while at your desk means you’re looking at hot guys or girls, not doing your job!”
“Power play or the attraction to the boss is very real as it taps into our primal need to feel protected and looked after”
Finally, if you’re planning to get frisky with your boss or a colleague, Matt says there are some advantages but also perils to a quickie in the stationery cupboard.
“The great thing for the office sex fetishist is that you only have to unzip the suit flies and you’re away. Zip back up when you’re finished and who would know? Back to work! It can get expensive, though, if your suit gets… er… messy!”
So perhaps you should be wary if your boss asks you to find a local dry cleaner for him.
Your office daydreams could be about to become reality.