SHANE BITNEY CRONE

Shane Bitney Crone talks to Tim Baros about why Bridegroom is so important to him

Congratulations on winning the GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation ) Media Award for Best Documentary. How does it feel winning all these awards?

With a limited budget Linda Bloodworth-Thomason (Bridegroom’s director) and I set out to make a simple, relatable, moving film that focused on the love story and not the politics, and we were incredibly humbled by the GLAAD Media Awards Outstanding Documentary nomination and win. Accolades aside, Bridegroom has achieved the greatest accomplishment of all — opening people’s hearts and minds and inspiring others to fight for equal rights. It feels amazing to know my story is actually making a difference and inspiring others, gay and straight, not only to find their own voices and share their own stories but to fight for social change.

How much has your life changed since the release of the documentary?

So many things have surprised me since the documentary’s release. I’m surprised by the love and support I’ve received from strangers all over the world. I’m astounded by the comments I’ve received from people saying that they used to hate gay people, misunderstood the importance of gay marriage, or were simply apathetic to the whole debate, and are now working hard to ensure equality for LGBTQ citizens.

It’s incredibly uplifting to know that my story has ignited passion for social change within people. I always thought I was a small person, with little significance, but now I know how important we all are, and how special my life has been. Also, it’s given me a chance to feel like I’m with Tom, every day, even though he’s no longer here.

How was it meeting Bill Clinton?

I was at the GLAAD Awards in Los Angeles, where President Clinton was giving a speech. I was taken from my table to a room backstage because the president wanted to meet me. He firmly shook my hand and told me how moved he was by the film, how important and timely it was, and how he was proud of me. I was astounded — President Clinton said he was proud of me! It was a moment I will never forget.

You’re lucky to have such a great mother.

I am tremendously grateful to have a mother who loves me unconditionally and who spends so much time and energy helping me find happiness. She has always been by my side, through coming out, losing Tom, making Bridegroom, and even now as I transition into this new chapter of my life. I hear from thousands of people who have been shunned by family members or kicked out of their homes by their own parents for being gay and I am so grateful to have been blessed with a family that learned to love and respect me for who I am.

Are Tom’s family aware of how big a hit the documentary is? Have any of them seen it?

We wanted Tom’s family to participate in the documentary but his parents never responded. Quite a few of Tom’s relatives have seen the film though and have told me that they are proud of it and support me, for which I’m tremendously grateful.

How did you deal with Tom’s death? You were going through a lot at that time.

After grieving for a year, almost silently, I decided to make a video to deal with my pain, to honour Tom, and to bring awareness of the discrimination I had encountered. I wanted people to see how innocent our love was, and how terrible it is to deny people that love, and the rights that should come along with it. I hoped that even just one couple, gay or straight, would watch the video and make the necessary arrangements to avoid a similar fate. I was terrified of what people would think of the video — not only because it broadcasted to the world that I was gay and had been in love, but I used a lot of unflattering footage. I was embarrassed, terrified, exposed. But it was all worth it. Tom had always encouraged me to speak my mind, and ironically, in his absence, I’ve learned to do so. I now see the world very differently, without fear and shame. I’m more positive, stronger, and more motivated to fight for my rights and the rights of others, in a world that does not always want to care about minorities.

Can you tell me what type of guy Tom was?

I never understood why Tom chose me. I couldn’t understand how someone who was an athlete and a musician, who was popular and an overachiever, wanted to be with me. He was so intelligent, compassionate, and funny - everyone loved him. He always believed in me and pushed me. He challenged me to be a better person and tried so hard to get me to see the good in myself. He tried to convince me that I was worthy of love. Tom constantly reminded me, even after he died, that my voice can be just as loud as everyone else’s, that my story is just as important, and that my life matters. Tom taught me that life is short, but life is sweet, and I have to make the most of it while I can.

By continuing to fight for marriage equality, I hope others will eventually have the legal protection that Tom and I did not. I can be a face for the struggle, a voice for those screaming for equal rights. I owe it to all of the Shanes and Toms of the world to put myself out there and to stand up for equality.