Small moves to a better life

When your day gets tricky, do you break down or break through? Discover why ‘micro-resilience’ is the new secret weapon that every woman needs

How to find positivity and motivation in the everyday

The car won’t start, you’re reeling after a row with your sister, and you’ve got more chance of spotting a flying pig than getting through your to-do list! Yes, we all have those days, but whether you break down or bounce back depends on how ‘micro-resilient’ you are. That’s the claim of psychology experts, who argue that we need to focus on dealing with tiny everyday setbacks in order to get what we really want from life.

‘What makes micro-resilience different is that it deals with everyday scenarios with friends, family and colleagues that can throw you off course,’ says Bonnie St John, co-writer of Micro-resilience: Minor Shifts For Major Boosts In Focus, Drive And

Energy (Pilatus, £12.99). ‘Best of all, this takes no time and works almost immediately to make a big difference to your life,’ she says. Here’s how it can help you, starting today...

BEAT MENTAL OVERLOAD

Try this, if… You’ve got countless balls in the air, your to-do list never gets done, you’re always being interrupted, you’re emotionally exhausted.

CREATE FOCUS

Think that doing 101 things at once is the only way to get everything done? Well, according to Bonnie, multitasking makes us less productive and, in the end, leaves us feeling overwhelmed. Instead, we should set up daily ‘zones’ in our diary that are reserved for focusing on just

‘If you’ve got countless balls in the air, it’s time to create “zones” in your day’

one task. These zones can be physical – such as a specific room where you won’t be disturbed – or a period of time, say between 9am-10am, which you designate as focus time for a job.

START EARLY The best time of day to make tough choices is the morning, because decision fatigue has yet to set in. ‘When we make numerous decisions all day long, the quality falls rapidly as the hours go by,’ says Bonnie. If you must make decisions later in the day, save them for after you’ve invigorated yourself with food or rest and you’ll make smarter choices.

MOVE MORE Instead of saying, ‘I’m too busy to exercise today,’ say, ‘I’m so busy today that I must rev up my brain with a little workout,’ recommends Bonnie. ‘When your body is active, your brain is more alert, your memory works better, and you’re more creative. Studies show that even five minutes’ walking can help spur ideas.’

LET’S GET POSITIVE

Try this, if… You’re stuck in a pessimistic rut, you hold on to negative feelings after a bad day, you suffer from low self-confidence.

MAKE A JOY FIRST-AID KIT

‘We keep a medical first-aid kit handy for unpredictable cuts and bruises, but we should put together a Joy Kit that shifts us from feelings of pessimism, rejection and frustration into a state of positivity, gratitude and creativity,’ says Bonnie. What you keep in your

Joy Kit is personal to you – from photos and souvenirs to mementos and music. Turn to it whenever you need an instant boost of happiness.

USE THE REVERSE TECHNIQUE To change your attitude from negative to positive, try this exercise: write down a worry you’re facing on a piece of card. Now write the exact opposite on the other side of the card, even if you don’t believe it to be true. For instance, ‘I’d like to study for a degree, but I don’t have time.’ On the other side, write ‘I can find the time’. This will feed you with positive inspiration.

REFRAME YOUR THOUGHTS Pessimists see tricky situations as personal and permanent, while optimists see them as a challenge and an opportunity, says Bonnie. Why does this matter? Because when you focus on what choices you have (normally more than you think!), you’re in a better position to solve problems. So, next time you’re stumped, ask yourself: ‘What is the challenge to be met? What choices do I have? What am I committed to?’ Answer these and you’ll have the remedy.

EMBRACE GRATITUDE ‘We tend to respond quickly to threats, but slowly to positive effects and feelings,’ says Bonnie. To create a positive attitude, she suggests writing a list of three things you’re grateful for each morning; writing three heartfelt emails or texts daily to friends or colleagues; and spending more time observing natural phenomena you normally take for granted. For example, make time to enjoy that stunning sunrise or sunset.

FIND NEW INSPIRATION

Try this, if… You can’t seem to balance life and work, you wonder if your efforts are worth it, you want more from the everyday.

DO MORE OF WHAT YOU LOVE

Is family the thing that you value most in your life? If so, think about how you can spend more quality time with them each week. ‘If you raise the percentage of things you do that feel purpose-filled, rather than those that make you feel as if you’re going through the motions, your energy will increase,’ says Bonnie.

SORT YOUR SCHEDULE

Look at your week ahead and eliminate one activity that isn’t meaningful, such as a timeconsuming meal you cook every Sunday. Replace it with something that fuels your sense of purpose or passion – be it helping out in your community or taking up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try.

TWEAK THE EVERYDAY

Can you redesign any day-to-day jobs to boost your energy? For instance, Bonnie suggests turning your monthly bill-paying chore into an ‘expense party’ – make martinis, download a new album and prepare special food. In other words, turn what could be an otherwise unpleasant task into something that you will (almost!) look forward to.