Parenting in the digital age

Worried about how to talk to your child about online safety? Don’t panic – we’ve got all the guidance you need to help protect your kids on the web

Expert advice on how to keep your children secure online

Seeing your child hunched over a laptop, small fingers tripping across the keyboard, can bring a mixture of pride and fear. It’s a joy to see how effortlessly children adapt to the latest technology – but what increasingly concerns parents is what they’re accessing.

If your approach has been to simply hope for the best, then you are not alone – a new Government report, Growing Up Digital, concluded that, ‘Children are left to learn about the internet on their own with parents vainly hoping that they will benefit from its opportunities while avoiding its pitfalls.’

It’s time, says the report, for a rethink of the way parents, schools, Government and social media prepare youngsters for the digital world. For while we’d all prefer to avoid those awkward conversations about stumbling upon explicit sex and violence online, they do need to be had.

‘Internet safety is now a key pillar of parenting,’ says Carolyn Bunting, general manager of Internet Matters, set up to help keep children safe online. ‘Some of us don’t have first-hand experience of a digital life in the way our children have, but we mustn’t be scared. It’s still parenting, just in a digital landscape.’ The facts make for sobering reading. The average age that a child will first come across online pornography is 11, with big repercussions, from shock and upset, to having unreal expectations about relationships and body image. Meanwhile, explicit music lyrics, distressing news footage and sexualised pop videos can be accessed with a few taps. Half of 10-year-olds use social media sites, even though most are supposed to be restricted to over 13s. The statistics show they first access Youtube aged nine; instant messaging at 10; and at 11 start searching the web in earnest.

THE MURKIEST ALLEYWAYS

‘As adults, our critical brain can filter information and make informed choices about what we see,’ says Cath Knibbs, psychologist and cyber trauma researcher. ‘For children, whose brains are still not mature enough to weigh things up in this way, working out what’s okay to look at is a lot harder.

‘Add in natural curiosity and peer pressure and kids could find themselves in the murkiest of internet alleyways without realising what they’re doing.’

Talking about inappropriate content is not about banning children from the web, says Cath. ‘We need to allow children to explore and be curious, and with a guiding hand help them

understand that there may be content that is not safe or appropriate and can result in them becoming distressed or even traumatised.’

STARTING THE CONVERSATION

‘Many people ask “When should I start having these conversations?” says Dave Butler, an adviser to the NSPCC with O2 internet safety helpline. ‘Our advice is: as soon as they are exploring the online world, so they can learn with those rules in place.’

And that’s just the starting point. Parents need to keep talking, as the advice at 13 is very different to age six. You should talk to children freely about the online world and set restrictions on internet use.

‘Make those boundaries personal to your family,’ says Dave. ‘Some parents want to control the amount of time kids spend online, others want to limit what their kids can see.’

Reminding children that what they read or see isn’t always the truth will help neutralise shocking images.

‘As they get more mature and you think they can handle conversations about pornography, discuss that with them,’ says Carolyn. ‘Open the channels of communication so they know they can ask you anything.’ There are some times when ‘the talk’ is essential, Carolyn adds: ‘Just before they get their first smartphone; before they first go on social media; and when they go to secondary school, where older kids may expose them to things they haven’t seen before.’ Above all, remember you’re not alone. There is plenty of advice to guide you.

Almost half of children say their parents are only aware of some of what they do online.