Victoria’s advice

IF YOU ARE ILL THIS CHRISTMAS

● Give yourself permission to do nothing. Often it’s the women who are running around, doing everything. This is a time to delegate.

● Accept offers of help and kindness

from family and friends. They really want to help, and to feel useful, so absorb the love from those offering it and remember it’s not a weakness to say yes to help.

● Forget ‘perfection’. We all want Christmas to be lovely, but it’s okay if the crackers don’t match the napkins and the bread sauce isn’t home-made. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

● Make things as easy as possible. Mark wrote all the cards, I did all of my Christmas shopping online and the kids helped me wrap.

IF SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS ILL THIS CHRISTMAS

● Don’t say, ‘Shout if you need anything’

– because people won’t. Instead, offer something specific: say, ‘I’m going to bring you a lasagne round/buy your turkey/pick the kids up and take them to town to buy you a present.’ It is much easier to accept help than to ask for it, so think of practical things you can do that will take the pressure off someone who’s unwell. ● Offer emotional support, too. Send messages every day just saying that you are thinking of them, that you love them – and that no reply is needed.