Here’s how to help your children pick up the habit…
THANKFUL TOTS
Developing festive gratitude means sowing the seeds all year round. ‘Children aren’t born appreciative, so start as you mean to go on – modelling being thoughtful and grateful and helping them learn ways to thank people,’ says Judy Reith, parenting coach and founder of parentingpeople.co.uk.
Richard agrees: ‘It’s important to model thanks, even for young children. At Christmas, that means showing them how to appreciate gifts and making a big play of saying thank you.’
In the run-up to Christmas, practise role play. Judy says: ‘Ask them: “If you open granny’s gift and you don’t like it, what should you do?” The simplest thing to say is: “Thank you. That’s very kind of you.”’ Practise it with them so they know what’s expected.
When it comes to Christmas Day, what looks like brattish behaviour may be a serious case of feeling swamped. ‘Chaotic behaviour suggests little ones are overwhelmed,’ explains Richard. ‘Spread gift opening over the whole day so children have a chance to appreciate their presents and thank the giver.’
APPRECIATIVE TWEENS
This is the tricky age when pleading and peer pressure come into play. ‘Not giving them what they want will not make you a bad parent,’ says Judy. ‘Your job is to prepare your kids for the real world, not to make them happy 24/7.’
Tweens aged seven to 11 often want things they can’t have. They’re reaching for things older kids get – make-up or the latest phone – but probably aren’t ready for them yet. ‘Allow them to write these things on their list, but don’t promise to deliver,’ advises Judy. ‘Find things you are happy to buy, and talk them up instead.’
This is also a great time to focus on a wider world perspective. Get children to choose charity cards or ethical presents that help others, as a gentle reminder that not everyone is as lucky as they are.
Helping them understand the joy of giving also shows them gratitude from a different angle. ‘Practise what it feels like to buy a gift – the planning, searching, looking for something special at the right price, and the giving,’ says Judy.
GRATEFUL TEENS
While testy teenagers may seem anything but appreciative, it’s crucial to hammer home the importance of gratitude at this age. ‘Finding things to be thankful for can help teenagers through this difficult time,’ says Richard. ‘Practising gratitude has been shown to change the way people react to negative events, giving your teen more chance of having a positive outlook on social stresses that can consume them during adolescence.’ Get into the habit of asking them what three things they’re grateful for daily. The effort you put in with teenagers throughout the year will
pay dividends at Christmas when they’ll be able to quickly identify the good things in their life – and be more ready and willing to show appreciation.
When it comes to gifts, money tops most teens’ lists. ‘Ask your teenager to specify what they want the money for,’ says Judy. ‘They can then thank people for contributing to that one thing.’