10 ways to feel the festive spirit

The most wonderful time of the year can be fraught with stress. To stop your Yuletide turning into a nightmare, we’ve asked Meik Wiking, head of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, for his advice

Why they do it so well in Denmark, and how we can do it too

1 THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT

Denmark is officially the happiest place in the world, so we Danish know a thing or two about how to bring happiness into your life. This is especially true at Christmas when we want things to be perfect. There is a saying in Denmark: ‘Try not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.’ In other words, we shouldn’t let ‘perfect’ undermine our appreciation of the ‘good’. So maybe the tree or gifts aren’t as good as you’d hoped, but that’s fine. Focus on gratitude. Sometimes we’re not grateful for something if it’s not perfect. Instead of obsessing over having a faultless Christmas, remember it’s okay

to have one that is simply ‘good’.

2 LIGHT CANDLES AT THE DINNER TABLE

Christmas is a time for togetherness. Fire and food bring people together across all cultures and geographical borders – and sometimes, we need do no more than light a candle to create a sense of community around our dinner table. Candlelight creates a calming atmosphere, while sharing food nurtures more than our body. It feeds our friendships and nourishes our sense of community through conversation

– factors vital to our happiness.

3 CREATE MOBILEFREE ZONES

It’s hard to get the party going when everyone is glued to their phones. Agree to put phones and tablets down, for two to three hours, say, between 1-4pm. Or put a basket by the front door where guests leave their phones. A Danish boarding school confiscated pupils’ phones, returning them for one hour a day. After six months, 80% of students voted to keep the limited use. And families in some streets agree to not use phones at set times – the kids run out to play like we used to.

4 DON’T COMPARE YOUR LIFE WITH ANYONE ELSE’S

One way to spoil your fun at Christmas is to compare your life with other people’s – so don’t! If on social media you’re exposed to how beautiful Mrs Jones’s tree is, or how stunning Mrs Smith’s dinner table settings are, you’re going to feel less content. Log out of Facebook and feel the pressure lift.

5 FIND SOME FREE FUN

This time of year can turn out to be very expensive, but research shows that being happy has nothing to do with the price tag. Activities or places that are free will make us happy. One of my favourite Christmas rituals is going on a long walk with my dad, when we talk about the year that’s gone and the year to come; it’s nice, good exercise and doesn’t cost a penny. If you can, find a forest to explore. Forget about taking an Instagram picture. Instead, listen to the wind in the leaves, take a deep breath and see what smells you can detect.

6 CONNECT WITH YOUR NEIGHBOURS

Research shows that human beings are happier when we feel connected. At the Happiness Research Institute, we’ve found that the happiest people have someone they can rely on in times of need. The more often people meet, the happier they are.

So, say hello to neighbours you don’t know, maybe invite them over for a drink. Acts of kindness have an effect called

‘helper’s high’, so as well as making their day, you’ll feel good, too.

7 DELAY GRATIFICATION

At Christmas, we spend hours trawling for gifts, but the best investment is actually a meaningful experience that connects us to other people. Studies have found that if people are asked to compare purchases they made to try to increase their happiness – one that was something tangible (an iphone) and one that was an experience (a trip) – 57% will say the experience made them happier, compared with 34% who bought the object. We also get enjoyment from looking forward to things. In one study, when people were asked to name a celebrity they’d like to kiss, then asked whether they’d like to do it now, or in the future, people said in three days’ time.

Anticipation adds to the enjoyment!

8 DON’T OVERDO THE PRESENTS!

In Denmark, we open gifts on the evening of 24 December. One Christmas, my brother, Dad and I celebrated together but decided not to have presents. It was a lovely, cosy night.

Gift opening can often be seen as the main event, but it was nice to focus on each other’s conversation. Of course, if there are children, it might cause a revolt to have no gifts, but limit the number, or choose a time and just unwrap them then so it doesn’t go on all day.

9 SHARE THE LOAD

A lot of hard work goes into making Christmas happy for the family – and women and men should share the load equally. My friends and I started a food club where we each bring ingredients to make a dish, then we cook together. You could have one dish that is the son’s responsibility, and Dad has another. Sharing the burden reduces stress.

10 HAVE A GIGGLE

Laughter is good for us, so if you have guests coming, ask them to bring a funny board game or video. In experiments, if you want people to laugh, show them videos of other people laughing. So, to have a truly happy Christmas, just think how contagious it is when you’re with someone who’s in fits of laughter – it’s impossible not to join in!