What got us through...
Cancer affects everyone differently and we each deal with it in different ways. Sharing experiences can be helpful; here, three women explain what worked for them
‘SUPPORT GROUPS GAVE ME STRENGTH’
Della Ogunleye, 59, has two daughters. She lives in London and is a patient representative for the NHS.
‘When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010, I was sure the diagnosis was wrong. I thought about Kylie Minogue, the pretty white singer who battled breast cancer. Kylie didn’t look like me, and as a woman of colour, I had never seen anyone that looked like me fight cancer. I was raised in Nigeria and in my culture we don’t talk about cancer, believing it to be a disease that only affects white people. However, as reality sank in, I felt low and knew I needed help.
‘Why not try a support group?’ my Macmillan nurse, Charmaine, suggested.
I shook my head. ‘I’m not used to talking.’
‘You might find it helps to meet others in your situation,’ she pressed.
Charmaine was right, but I still felt nervous when I walked into my first meeting and saw there wasn’t anyone there who looked like me. However, as I listened to people share their stories, I began to see colour wasn’t important. We were all coping with cancer and it felt wonderful to simply be around people who understood. As time passed, I went to lots of different meetings, supporting others, listening to their fears and sharing my own about my mastectomy or how my daughters were coping. As I talked, my spirits lifted and if I ever faltered, I would look around the group and think, ‘If these people can survive, I can, too.’
A couple of years later, after beating cancer, I wanted people in my culture to understand that the illness isn’t something that only affects white people. With Macmillan’s help, I set up a group locally for African people. I also went back to Nigeria and took leaflets that explained what cancer is. It was tough at first – people looked at me in shock as I spoke openly about being a cancer survivor – but things are changing. My daughters are in their 20s now and believe it’s good to share, and my community is catching up. After all, education and talking can help us conquer cancer – and save lives.’
• For help and support, visit macmillan.org.uk
‘Education and talking can help us conquer cancer – and save lives’
‘I knew it would be these women who’d understand my feelings’
‘A RUNNING CLUB SPURRED ME ON’
Josie Lloyd, 52, is married with three children. She lives in Brighton and is a writer.
‘Ihad always been healthy, and didn’t “do” illness. In January 2017, aged 47, I was invited for a voluntary mammogram but only agreed to go because my husband, Emlyn, was concerned about a dimple on my left breast. The mammogram revealed abnormal tissue and a biopsy confirmed a cancer diagnosis.
I’m usually a positive person, but as I broke the news to family and friends and watched their faces fall, I could see how cancer was beginning to define me. It made me feel helpless and frustrated, something I confessed to Ros, one of my school-mum friends.
‘Join my running group at the seafront one day,’ she suggested.
I looked at her in horror. ‘Fitness is the last thing on my mind,’ I replied.
‘It’s more important now than ever to stay fit,’ Ros insisted.
There was no arguing with her. Ros was involved in charity work and her running group would be full of women battling cancer, too. Wouldn’t this be further evidence of how this illness was defining me?
Apparently not. As I met these women on the seafront and we started a slow run, I realised that
I was enjoying myself. This fantastic group of brave and strong women were all at different stages of their cancer journey and I loved their spirit and dark humour as they traded stories of what they’d been through.
With the love and support of my family, I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy; treatments that left me feeling broken. But it was the thought of the running group that propelled me forwards. No matter how terrible I felt, I always managed to shove on my trainers, knowing it would be this group of women who would understand my feelings. The group runs became my salvation – so much so, we even ran a 10km race on Brighton seafront together.
By the time my treatment finished in July 2018, we had forged a firm friendship and when I turned 50 in 2019, I wanted to celebrate. I was surrounded by my wonderful family and friends, but it was my running group that were guests of honour. I’m not sure how I would have got through those difficult days without them all.’
• The Cancer Ladies’ Running Club (HQ) by Josie Lloyd is out now