MORE TOP TIPS

How to get the best out of your interactions.

● IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO KEEP TALKING, ADD A HEAD TILT OR NOD. By listening with your head tilted and one ear exposed, you are literally showing someone ‘I am here for you’.

● PAY ATTENTION TO NODDING.

A slow triple nod is the best way to encourage someone to keep going. Try not to nod too fast – this signifies impatience, like a ‘hurry up’ signal.

● PRACTISE MIRRORING.

If someone is animated, smiles and uses their hands a lot when they talk, respond by matching their energy level. If someone is calm and collected, slow down your rate of speech to match theirs. Doing this makes you more compassionate and empathetic; it’s like putting yourself in their shoes.

● ANALYSE YOUR OWN CUES.

You could record yourself, for example, on a Zoom meeting. Or ask a friend to analyse your body language in social situations. What do they notice? By becoming more aware of your most commonly used cues, you can take control of how you’re coming across.

● START RIGHT. The first 10 words in your chat or email set you up for the entire interaction. By saying things that are accidentally negative, such as, ‘Sorry, I’m late, the traffic was terrible,’ or, ‘What a horrible grey day,’ you create ‘emotional contagion’. This is when we catch someone’s mood – good or bad – and become affected by it. Starting with positive words such as ‘It’s so lovely to see everyone’ or ‘We’re going to have a really great discussion today’ can change the dynamic of an entire conversation.

• Cues (Penguin Books, £14.99) by Vanessa Van Edwards is out now