“Constant togetherness is taking its toll on my relationship”

Since lockdown, my partner and I have been arguing more. I still love him but we have been in each other’s pockets all year and really need a break. I have been working from home and he has been on furlough so, while I am frantically busy, he is bored and seems lost. It’s not been easy for either of us, but for different reasons. How can we retain our spark and reconnect? Name supplied

AThis question will resonate with many of us. Relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan says what first attracts us is that sense of being different and discovering another person’s quirks. Then, over time, as we seek common ground, it is easy for individual passions to fall away or merge into joint interests.

It will help you both if you can redefine your separateness. This could mean your own workspace and making sure you go for a walk with a friend once a week; while for him it could be his own daily routine, with goals that give him a sense of control and achievement. Can he learn something new, or find a way to use his existing skills in your local community? Let him know how attractive you find it when he lights up with his own passions.

To reconnect as a couple, Ryan says it’s more important than ever to have at least one time in the week when you disconnect completely from the outside world: switch off all screens and devices, dress up and truly show up. You might create an A to Z of things you would like to do and pick one out of a jar. Could you play with the space you are in and create one room that is Hawaii and another that is Scotland? If in doubt, move towards the lightness in your relationship – when everything seems deep and meaningful, time spent in the shallows can be therapeutic.

sarahlouiseryan.com