Return to sender

Not posting a letter could be the most freeing thing you do, says our writing columnist, author and coach Jackee Holder

of letter writing as a journal practice when I attended a workshop hosted by author Elizabeth Gilbert. Liz, as she is known, had us write a series of six letters for six minutes – not from us to other people, but between us and emotional concepts, such as fear, as a way of exploring our creativity. We started the letters with, ‘Dear (insert your name), I am your fear, and this is what I want to tell you…’

There were moments when replying to themes, such as persistence, enchantment and permission, when I could have been a monk scribing an ancient text! Letter writing became an internal journey that allowed me to meet feelings and emotions in new and interesting ways.

Red-letter days

I often prescribe letter writing, or transactional writing, when someone feels stuck over a challenging relationship or is carrying unresolved feelings. It can be equally rewarding to write letters that you will not send to people you have hurt to begin emotional repair. Writing a letter to the person, on the proviso that the letter won’t be posted, gives permission and power to say what needs to be said. Start your letter with, ‘If I could tell you anything without consequences, I would tell you…’ Remember, no judgment and no need to filter. Feel free to get rid of your letter afterwards as a release. Unsent letters can be a softer route to forgiveness and closure. Research indicates that unsent letters leave people with less regret.

Writing letters to the people in your life can help you clarify your feelings and make it easier to express yourself in real life. Often, in the process of writing letters you will never send, you happen upon the letters you do write and send. Maybe it’s a letter of apology or appreciation… Go one step further and write one to yourself from someone else.

Unsent letters not only save on stamps, they free up the mind. And, when intentionally deposited in your journals, they help you clear out internal clutter, clean up emotional garbage and make room for who and what matters most.

Jackee is a writer, coach and creative: jackeeholder.com; @jackeeholderinspires