I think we have a connection

Introverts may worry about forming social bonds, but now’s the time to reopen our lives – with tactics for the most self-conscious soul from coach Lucy Griffiths

THE BOXES ARE PACKED

– we’re moving house and off to the countryside. It’s the start of new adventures, new places and new friendships.

Rewind that – new friendships? The idea of having to make friends is always slightly alarming for an introvert, but I’m so done with hiding away. After a year of social distancing, I can’t wait for hugs and human contact. I think we are all going to appreciate the togetherness and delight in human connection and giggles down the pub again.

Helping others is a beautiful way to make friends. For the past year, my son and I have been walking someone’s dog as volunteers and it’s been the ultimate social icebreaker. We have tapped into a community we didn’t even know existed. Volunteering can also have a tremendous effect on wellbeing and self-esteem. Whether it’s using the

Walk My Dog app or working with a charity, I know that I feel happy when assisting others. Charities such as Age UK always want befrienders and who knows where your relationship could lead?

People form an impression of us within seven seconds, so practise smiling at strangers and look them in the eye. Take note of your body language: are your shoulders back; are you physically open? Mirroring someone’s body language can be a way to connect without uttering a word.

It sounds odd, but let yourself be silly. Not taking yourself too seriously and being fun makes people think you’re the life and soul, even if you’re shy.

Connection can grow from one person. If you make friends with one bubbly sunbeam, you may be introduced to a community of others. Be receptive to invitations. Say yes to a coffee or drink – who

knows where it might take you.

Lucy has co-created our series of ‘Create the life you want’ courses. Sign up at courses.psychologies.co.uk/ loveyourlife; lucygriffiths.com

Sex may seem simple and natural, but many people are confused about how to have sexual relationships. The lack of understanding stems from poor sex education. If we taught primary schoolchildren age-appropriate lessons around boundaries, respecting differences and expressing yourself clearly, then maybe the overall foundation of how we exist in our sexual relationships would be significantly different.

The way consent is presented in the media only reinforces the idea that people don’t need to have conversations around it. In Sleeping Beauty, for example, a story known by millions of children, Aurora is saved by a non-consensual kiss. These stories tell us that women need to be chosen and, if they are chosen, it is an automatic yes on their behalf. She, therefore, does not get to express what she wants or needs.

Harmful beliefs

This can be true for men too. It is assumed that men are always up for sex. And, when we consider gay relationships, the oversexualisation of gay men reinforces the idea that both partners are usually keen for sex when, actually, there should be a conversation about it.

This is important because getting it wrong can leave someone with sexual trauma. So, what constitutes consent?

Consent is a clear and assertive declaration of permission, which can be withdrawn at any time. It is only in the here and now. It must be clearly given every time. Saying yes once doesn’t

UKCP psychotherapist Silva Neves explores sexual consent – what it is and why education is critical