Talk to different parts of yourself

When you wrestle with different problems, it may be that your subpersonalities are in conflict with each other. Learn to engage with them and you can resolve your dilemmas

developed IFS after 40 years of clinical practice. He believes ‘all of us are born with many sub-minds that constantly interact inside us’. He adds: ‘This, in general, is what we call thinking. When you face a dilemma, you will find one part that says “go for it” and another that says “don’t”. Most of the time, we let that debate happen. We don’t pay attention to it.’ But Schwartz argues it is essential that we attend to this inner conflict. He suggests we locate our parts by tuning into our internal chatter, along with our feelings and impulses. When we talk to our parts, we discover what each accomplishes for us and their different talents and roles.

Engage with your inner parts using this meditation. There are audio versions online led by Schwartz if you prefer:

Set aside 15 to 20 minutes. Find a quiet space. Sit or lie down as if you were about to meditate. Take several deep breaths. Shift your attention inward.

you know well, such as your inner critic, to come to the fore.

where you were unable to control your response to an action from a loved one, colleague or even a stranger. In your mind’s eye, play out the person repeating their action. Notice your response. Allow the person who triggered you to fade away. Turn inwards towards the part of you that got triggered.

Simply wait for a signal. Be receptive to thoughts, emotions, sensations or impulses that seem to want your attention.

Where do these thoughts, emotions, sensations or impulses exist in or around your body? These reactions represent a part of you. Can you picture, hear or feel the part?

Do you dislike or fear the part? Jot down any thoughts or emotions you have towards this inner part.

“What does the protective part fear will happen if it does not perform its role? Often, a part fears painful feelings will flood the system

Choose one of the following prompts:

If your part volunteers information, follow up with:

Often, a part fears that painful feelings will flood the system. If you encounter a traumatised part that feels out of control, seek help from a therapist.

Finally, ask:

It may or may not know. Ask your part what age it thinks you are. You are more capable than it may know.

If you get answers, you have learned how your part tries to take care of you. Thank it for trying to keep you safe.

get your attention again.

Remind the part that it can

Journal about your experience.