Pleased to meet you

What meaning is attached to your name or alias, and would you change it? Author and coach Jackee Holder probes deeper

IN A SCENE FROM THE FILM Concrete Cowboy, son Cole, racked with raging emotions, calls out his father, Harp, for not loving him as he needs to be loved. This is fuelled by how Cole sees his father care for and affirm other young men in his work as an urban black cowboy.

Harp, played by Idris Elba, responds by playing a jazz track by John Coltrane on the turntable. As the music plays in the background, Cole learns how and why he was named after Coltrane. The scene ends amid intense, unspoken feelings and emotions between the two, with the line: ‘He was the greatest man I ever knew who did it without a father.’

Make a name for yourself

Our identities, our life narratives, who we think and feel ourselves to be can be so wrapped up in the origins of our name. The positive origin of his name is unknown to Cole. Had I been on that film set, I would have shouted, ‘Cut!’, squeezed in between father and son on the sofa, handed them both empty notebooks and instructed them to write down their thoughts and feelings in an attempt to re-author their stories of past and present. The scene tenderly captures the essence of writer Erica Jong’s quote (right).

Harp’s storytelling provides a pivotal moment for re-authoring, a journalling practice well used in what is known as narrative therapy. This is confirmed by studies that illustrate that when men write about their feelings and emotions, it actually has a far greater emotional impact than it does for women.

Start with what your name means to you. Do you love your name or loathe it? How has your name carried you through the world? For better or worse? What name is a truer reflection of who you are at this time in your life? Is your name a true reflection of the person you are, or want to be?

Jackee is a writer, coach and creative; jackeeholder.com; @jackeeholderinspires