I worked for me

Claire Middlebrook, 42, runs an accountancy practice in Edinburgh. The office environment was chaotic, and often saw stand-up arguments, she explains.

‘I struggled with anxiety around conflict,’ says Claire. ‘I sought to please the team because I worried that they would leave if they weren’t happy. But I realised I was not being clear about my expectations simply because I was trying to avoid conflict. In fact, lack of clarity itself was causing the conflict.

‘So I created a strategic, defined plan with precise tasks, timescales and expectations. Now everyone knows where they stand and our interactions are better.’

Claire realised that she also avoided conflict with her husband. ‘Neither of us had set boundaries or knew how to behave with the small stuff, such as unloading the dishwasher. I didn’t express that I needed help and got annoyed at my husband. Now I state: “Please unload the dishwasher before 7pm as my parents are coming over and I would like it to be tidy.”

‘Small things used to build resentment, which I don’t feel any more,’ says Claire. ‘I’ve learned to keep my message simple and not shy away from crucial conversations.’