5 IMPORTANT STEPS WHEN LABELLING EMOTIONS…

Ensure your child feels safe and supported. Labelling emotions happens best against a background context of support and acceptance. This is very important. Your open, steady presence helps your child understand that he or she is safe and secure, and helps reassure them that their emotions are not frightening or problematic. When your child feels secure and accepted, they are much more able to reflect on how they feel, and to focus their attention.

Start with the basics and don’t be too prescriptive. With younger children, it can be helpful to start with labels that are either very basic – such as happy, cross or sad – or that help them connect with the physical experience of an emotion (for example, ‘wobbly inside’). Don’t worry if the description isn’t a ‘classic’ emotion label. Your child will slowly develop a wider vocabulary.

Use labels that invite connection. Labelling an emotion as ‘worried’ or ‘sad’ invites reflection, whereas ‘annoyed’ or ‘angry’ or ‘irritated’ can shift attention away from your child’s needs. This doesn’t mean you can’t use these labels; anger has an important place in your child’s emotional world, but it needs to be balanced with labels that allow a child to come back to the more vulnerable feelings.

Developing more nuanced understandings. As your child gets older, you can use more nuanced labels, such as embarrassed, nervous or isolated. They will also benefit from hearing mixed labels. For example: ‘grumpyexcited’ or ‘lonely-worried’. Recognising that we can experience different emotions at once will give your child the ability to work through them. Often, recognising where they might be stuck requires more than one label.