FIVE PRACTICES TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

1 Set an intention to see difficult people as your teachers. Even holding the concept of a ‘troublesome buddha’ in mind can make a big difference to the outcome of a difficult encounter.

2

Cultivate awareness and sensitivity to body sensations when the emotional intensity is low and distractions are minimal, for example, through regular practice of an embodied discipline such as yoga or mindfulness. Then practice staying aware of how you feel in increasingly emotional situations. Concentrating on how you physically feel will help you avoid getting caught up in the complicated storylines of who did what and what might happen next.

3

Watch for those moments when you fall into the ‘You’re wrong and I’m right’ mindset. Develop a willingness to entertain the possibility that you may not be wholly in the position of ‘right’, or there may not even be a ‘right’. Remember, the difficulty lies in the relationship between the you and the other – not just in the other.

4 Try to look past the troublesome behaviour and see the person behind it. Appreciate that we all have our default behaviour patterns, which arise because of our individual past experiences.

5

There is no correct response to any situation. Sometimes patience and tolerance are important, sometimes boundaries are. Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we mess up and say or do something hurtful. Remember, repair is always more important than the rupture, and it’s a wonderful opportunity to practise self-compassion and forgive ourselves.