Work it out

‘Changing places’ is a helpful exercise if you’re experiencing difficulties in a relationship. You can also do this exercise to reflect on a past relationship, or prepare for a future meeting with someone. This exercise gives you an experience of seeing things differently, from other positions. It is effective if you do this by physically moving around and standing in different places.

Step one: This is your perspective. Stand in your own shoes and imagine looking at the other person. Allow yourself to see the relationship purely from your perspective. Say what you think and feel about the situation with the other person – let your true thoughts and feelings out – until you have no more to say.

Step two: Move into the other person’s shoes. Stand in a different place. Shake off your own perspective and allow yourself to settle into their shoes. Become them for a while; try to see the situation from their perspective and speak as if you were them. Use ‘I’ statements. Say what you think and feel about your relationship – from their perspective.

Step three: Move into a different place, where you are detached from the other parties. Reflect on what you have seen and heard from the two ‘people’. What words of wisdom or insights do you have from this perspective?

Step four: Return to your own shoes, as in step one. What has changed for you through completing this exercise? What will you do differently now?