Deck the halls!
It’s never too early to spread a little festive cheer, says Harriet Minter
Last year, I did something I’ve never done before: I put my Christmas tree up in November. I’d just broken up with the man I was living with and so, as he exited the building, I decided to fill the space he’d left behind with some sparkle and light.
Yet, wherever I turn on social media right now, I can’t seem to escape a middle-aged man complaining about his girlfriend or wife putting the Christmas decorations up too early. Every other Instagram post is a woman saying, ‘Can you please tell Michael that Love Actually is a romcom that can be watched year round; it’s just set at Christmas,’ while men are posting Tiktoks of themselves doing the Home Alone scream as they walk into a sitting room that has been transformed into Santa’s grotto.
This dismissal of the joy of Christmas as a ‘silly female thing’ seems to be a new phenomenon. Perhaps it’s a reality of being in my 40s and dating men who are now deep into their own personal midlife crisis. While most of the women I know seem to use their midlife period as a moment for really finding what brings them joy, the men seem to fall into a hole of anger that they never really recover from. And a key target for this anger is Christmas.
In the Christmases we spent together, I developed a negotiation system with my ex that made Brexit look civilised. Discussions would begin in October. As he began to mutter things like, ‘earlier and earlier each year,’ and ‘just another example of capitalism gone mad,’ I’d start to gently drop the C-word into conversation. As November rolled in, I’d be bartering Christmas party invitations for a cessation of the harrumphing that happened at each appearance of the John Lewis ad. By December, we’d be in deadlock about whether or not he’d visit my family, and UN peacekeeping forces were on speed dial. The impact of this on me was that the Christmas joy began to bleed away, and I started to wonder if it was worth the effort, too.
This is, of course, how the patriarchy wins. Little by little they diminish the things that women love. They tell us that sparkles and gifts and singing are ‘girly’ things – things that are too silly for the real men to waste their time on. It feeds into the assumption that if women like it or lead on it, then it’s just not quite as good. And I for one have no time for that. So, this year, my Christmas wish is for every man who sneers at his girlfriend putting up her Christmas tree in November to wake up on the morning of 25 December all by himself. Meanwhile, the women will keep their sparkles and singing and joy
– and God bless them, every one.