LAST WORD: MATT BERRY
The fog-horn voiced actor and musician on how he’d survive Armageddon and why recorders scare him.
The luxuriantly-voiced actor on Armageddon and hangovers.
When was the last time you were told off for talking too loudly? It would’ve been in a place where I had to be quiet, not because I was pissed or anything. I think it was in Versailles when my girlfriend told me to keep it down because we were in one of the palace’s huge, echoey rooms and I might’ve been a bit too loud for her liking. When did you last accidentally see yourself on TV? I try not to. It would’ve been a Channel 4 festival in Edinburgh, where they show clips of what’s coming up. I don’t usually like to look while they’re being shown because people feel like they have to laugh, which is just fucking awkward and horrible. And it would’ve been a reflection in something, because I wouldn’t have been able to watch directly. That’d be way too cringey. When did you last think the ’ 70s was the best decade ever? Two seconds ago! Creatively, it was the perfect time in terms of the way things were designed, looked and recorded. Technology was still analogue, so the way music was recorded has never been bettered. When did you last read something about yourself that wasn’t true? God, loads of times. That I’m a musician. Or that I’m the voice of MoneySupermarket. Because it isn’t me, it’s Patrick Stewart! When did someone last shout, “Yes, I can hear you Clem Fandango!” at you? Yesterday, probably. They’d have seen the show and enjoyed it, so that’s fine. I get all sorts of things shouted at me, like “Father!” Also stuff I don’t even know is aimed at me, because it’s probably from a show I don’t remember. When was the last time you laughed until you cried? That was the other night. It was, er, I can’t even tell you what it was. I’m trying to think how I could put this… OK, it was a picture of something that someone sent me but I can’t tell you what it was. It turned up on my phone and it was very odd. It was two different things that shouldn’t kind of collide but did. It was unearthly. What was the last song that got stuck in your head? King Of My Castle [ by Wamdue Project]. [ Sings] “Must be the reason why I’m king of my castle…” It’s so catchy and has that two minor chord thing, like [ Kraftwerk’s] The Model. When was the last time a pub refused to serve you? That would have been when I was a student in Nottingham and it would’ve been because I didn’t have any money. There were a few pubs which were very kind to me and they would let me have drinks on tick and I think with a couple of them I might’ve taken my tick as far as I could, hahaha! When did you last swear at the telly? Well, I hardly watch any TV but when I do there’ll be a hell of a lot of swearing because it winds me up so much. It’s normally somebody saying something fucking stupid on Question Time or something I was looking forward to watching that turned out to be dogshit. I’ll be like, “Why the fuck have I wasted 15 minutes on this? It doesn’t even look like the fucking ’ 60s!” What’s the last TV theme you heard which you wish you’d written? Tales Of The Unexpected… it’s quite old? Well, I’m quite an old man! It’s in a waltz time, very simple. I don’t care about the naked woman in the opening credits, I’m more sensitive to what is going on sound-wise. What’s the last thing you think about before sleeping? Usually, “What’s that noise?!” I live in quite an old house in the countryside and there’s always things I hear at night which slightly terrify me. I have a studio in my house, and recently I heard what sounded like someone playing a recorder in there. It was pretty frightening. It was probably a juvenile owl. What’s the last thing you’d do before the apocalypse? Bury my cheese! That’s what Samuel Pepys did when the Great Fire of London started. I’d bury other foodstuffs too just in case I survived.
Matt Berry: the sound of juvenile owls frightens him.