The fog-horn voiced ac­tor and mu­si­cian on how he’d sur­vive Ar­maged­don and why recorders scare him.

Q (UK) - - Contents -

The lux­u­ri­antly-voiced ac­tor on Ar­maged­don and hang­overs.

When was the last time you were told off for talk­ing too loudly? It would’ve been in a place where I had to be quiet, not be­cause I was pissed or any­thing. I think it was in Ver­sailles when my girl­friend told me to keep it down be­cause we were in one of the palace’s huge, echoey rooms and I might’ve been a bit too loud for her lik­ing. When did you last ac­ci­den­tally see your­self on TV? I try not to. It would’ve been a Chan­nel 4 fes­ti­val in Ed­in­burgh, where they show clips of what’s com­ing up. I don’t usu­ally like to look while they’re be­ing shown be­cause peo­ple feel like they have to laugh, which is just fuck­ing awk­ward and hor­ri­ble. And it would’ve been a re­flec­tion in some­thing, be­cause I wouldn’t have been able to watch di­rectly. That’d be way too cringey. When did you last think the ’ 70s was the best decade ever? Two sec­onds ago! Cre­atively, it was the per­fect time in terms of the way things were de­signed, looked and recorded. Tech­nol­ogy was still ana­logue, so the way mu­sic was recorded has never been bet­tered. When did you last read some­thing about your­self that wasn’t true? God, loads of times. That I’m a mu­si­cian. Or that I’m the voice of MoneySu­per­mar­ket. Be­cause it isn’t me, it’s Pa­trick Ste­wart! When did some­one last shout, “Yes, I can hear you Clem Fan­dango!” at you? Yes­ter­day, prob­a­bly. They’d have seen the show and en­joyed it, so that’s fine. I get all sorts of things shouted at me, like “Fa­ther!” Also stuff I don’t even know is aimed at me, be­cause it’s prob­a­bly from a show I don’t re­mem­ber. When was the last time you laughed un­til you cried? That was the other night. It was, er, I can’t even tell you what it was. I’m try­ing to think how I could put this… OK, it was a pic­ture of some­thing that some­one sent me but I can’t tell you what it was. It turned up on my phone and it was very odd. It was two dif­fer­ent things that shouldn’t kind of col­lide but did. It was un­earthly. What was the last song that got stuck in your head? King Of My Cas­tle [ by Wam­due Project]. [ Sings] “Must be the rea­son why I’m king of my cas­tle…” It’s so catchy and has that two mi­nor chord thing, like [ Kraftwerk’s] The Model. When was the last time a pub re­fused to serve you? That would have been when I was a stu­dent in Not­ting­ham and it would’ve been be­cause I didn’t have any money. There were a few pubs which were very kind to me and they would let me have drinks on tick and I think with a cou­ple of them I might’ve taken my tick as far as I could, ha­haha! When did you last swear at the telly? Well, I hardly watch any TV but when I do there’ll be a hell of a lot of swear­ing be­cause it winds me up so much. It’s nor­mally some­body say­ing some­thing fuck­ing stupid on Ques­tion Time or some­thing I was look­ing for­ward to watch­ing that turned out to be dogshit. I’ll be like, “Why the fuck have I wasted 15 min­utes on this? It doesn’t even look like the fuck­ing ’ 60s!” What’s the last TV theme you heard which you wish you’d writ­ten? Tales Of The Un­ex­pected… it’s quite old? Well, I’m quite an old man! It’s in a waltz time, very sim­ple. I don’t care about the naked woman in the open­ing cred­its, I’m more sen­si­tive to what is go­ing on sound-wise. What’s the last thing you think about be­fore sleep­ing? Usu­ally, “What’s that noise?!” I live in quite an old house in the coun­try­side and there’s al­ways things I hear at night which slightly ter­rify me. I have a stu­dio in my house, and re­cently I heard what sounded like some­one play­ing a recorder in there. It was pretty fright­en­ing. It was prob­a­bly a ju­ve­nile owl. What’s the last thing you’d do be­fore the apoca­lypse? Bury my cheese! That’s what Sa­muel Pepys did when the Great Fire of Lon­don started. I’d bury other food­stuffs too just in case I sur­vived.

Matt Berry: the sound of ju­ve­nile owls fright­ens him.

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