Dear Santa…

With the festive season upon us, what would be the best presents this year for rail users?

TOP of the list for Christmas 2018 is the Mk 3 seat. This well-established, comfortable and once ubiquitous item on InterCity services is fast becoming a rarity, as it passes its 42nd birthday and is increasingly being replaced by the DEFTSIBS (Department for Transport Specified Ironing Board Seat).

As common sense is not that common these days, there is little chance (if any) that rolling stock designers will use the Mk 3 coach as the benchmark to start from. After all, why use an excellent and well-proven wheel when you can reinvent an inferior one?

Consequently, passengers are hoping that Santa will bring them, as a consolation, their very own Mk 3 seat that they can settle down into after they get home from a Great Western or East Coast Main Line 2019 train journey, and need to bring their posterior back to life.

A hot second this year is a present sought after by many rail passengers, but particularly in the North West, the East Midlands and South Wales.

One of the best value and long-lasting presents this year is notification that the electrification schemes effectively cancelled in March 2017 are to be reinstated! This is a ‘value added’ gift, however, because it comes complete with a ‘joined-up thinking’ DfT intervention that requires Network Rail to develop an appropriate specification for railway electrification - enabling it to produce affordable business cases for a ‘rolling programme of complete electrification’ on railway lines between Britain’s principal cities and ports.

For seasoned users of the iron road, what about a nicely gift-wrapped new, revised - and crucially simplified - set of rail fares?

With a clear set of principles and methodology, the new rail fares system is complemented by an equally easy-to-use train fare booking system, both online and at station booking offices. The new fares system has no pre-conditions such as being cost-neutral, but rather is founded on the principle of demonstrating transparency and fairness - enabling passengers to be able to trust that they are purchasing the best fare.

However, there are fears that Santa has been having some difficulty finding any supplier for this item. Consequently, it’s feared many will not be waking up on Christmas Day to find this little gem in their stocking.

Take yourself back to the 1960s and 1970s, with what is being billed as the best ‘retro rail’ Christmas present this year - the reintroduction of the ‘stop order’ and the use of diversionary routes!

Those who remember those heady days and simple times when common sense ruled - with local station staff and signallers agreeing the best way to serve passengers when faced with planned engineering or unforeseen infrastructure events - will love this present.

If it happens, it’s likely to be trumpeted as a new bright idea that’s unique to the best brains in 2018. In fact, as many RAIL readers will know, it was commonplace back in the days of the Beatles and Abba.

The concept is to get trains that don’t usually stop at certain stations to do so when the services that normally call are unable to. And this present comes in two parts - the other is the use of diversionary routes (where they still exist) to keep train services running, and passengers being able to remain on trains and use the railways.

However, it’s likely that lovers of rail replacement bus services have nothing to fear, as the usual approach of finding reasons for why the railway cannot do things is likely to continue.

No Christmas would be complete without a board game, and 2018 is no exception. Fragmentation is likely to be one of the bestselling games of the year. The game enables several players to choose from a diversity of roles, but it has a very complex set of rules and only a fool would want to take on the part of the banker.

Fragmentation includes all the literalism, and sometimes perversity, of running train services on today’s network. You can get delayed or cause delays; you can disrupt passengers and services; as well as be fined or charge others. The winner is the operator who achieves the highest punctuality rating despite the scale of inconvenience caused to all other players and even the winners’ own passengers!

We think many will like this game for its level of reality. But don’t despair if you turn out to be one of the unlucky ones that Santa misses out, just go down to your nearest station and see if there is a game currently going on. If so, buy a ticket and play for real!

Finally, there is another board game that’s also likely to be a favourite for the rail user in the home. Ker Franc is a mind game that tests the wit and wisdom of players, challenging their instinct to apply common sense by presenting counter-intuitive tasks and instructions.

The game is all about bidding and winning a train operating rail franchise. You will naturally want to encourage usage, but the trick in this game is to see how you can choke off demand by running overcrowded trains with tired and noisy rolling stock and cutting out stops to suppress usage.

While you will also have the ability to do many things to improve your service experience, you need to remember that the best rewards are gained by not spending money on any improvements.

Unfortunately, after a major customer consultation ahead of the manufacturers releasing this game, the DfT has stepped in and brought things to a standstill. There is a possibility that Ker Franc may have to go back to the drawing board.

This is a real shame. Not only will many rail users be upset not to receive this present, lots of great rolling stock and things that could improve opportunities in Ker Franc now look likely to be ignored, with every chance of being shunted into a siding and left to languish and lament about better days.

Oh well, let’s hope that even if you aren’t sent any of the presents mentioned above, you still have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year!

“The new fares system has no pre-conditions such as being cost-neutral, but rather is founded on the principle of demonstrating transparency and fairness.” Fraser Pithie rail@bauermedia.co.uk