Unicorns and dodos in this tunnel fantasy

It is the oldest trick in the book. When up against it, throw up something so outlandish that it will attract attention and divert from the original issue.

Now, stand up anyone who seriously believes that a tunnel between the west of Scotland and Northern Ireland is either viable or desirable? OK, the two of you can stop reading this piece.

As for the rest of you, I’m sure you will agree that any serious analysis of this idea suggests that it falls at the first hurdle. I do wonder why Jim Steer - a well-respected transport consultant and member of the High Speed Rail Group, which is supporting the idea - has dropped his guard and said of this scheme: “Our suggestion is that this should be looked at very seriously.”

Come on Jim, you must know this is nonsense. Northern Ireland has a population of just 1.8 million and a modest tourist industry. The idea that this could sustain a tunnel costing (let us say) £50 billion, as well as a new 80mile rail line from Carlisle and the regauging of the 5ft 3in Northern Irish track, is beyond laughable.

Indeed, Simon Hoare MP, chairman of the Northern Ireland Committee, ridiculed the idea amusingly: “The trains could be pulled by an inexhaustible herd of unicorns overseen by stern, officious dodos. A PushMePullYou could be the senior guard and Puff the Magic Dragon the inspector. Let’s concentrate on making the protocol work and put the hallucinogenics down.”

Just to list the possible objections: insufficient demand; good potential alternatives, such as ferry services from Liverpool or Holyhead to Northern Ireland and better air services; exorbitant cost; technical issues, as the sea is very deep; and the fact that this will take 30 years at best.

If there were a tunnel, it would be far better to go from Wales to Dublin. But of course, we are no longer in the EU.

Indeed, the whole idea is only being promoted by the Government as a distraction from its disastrous Northern Ireland policy, as Brexit means there has to be a border either in the Irish Sea or on the border with the Republic.

This is not even a new idea. It seems to have been proposed first in 1868 and has popped up a few times since then - notably in 1956, when Montgomery Hyde (MP for Belfast North) tried to revive it and gave a long speech in Parliament.

As I said on Twitter: there will be a motorway to the moon before a tunnel under the Irish Sea.