You Couldn’t Make It Up

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I noticed my neighbour was pregnant again and, out shopping one day, I met her and her small son. I asked her young son whether he wanted his mummy's baby to be a boy or a girl.

He looked at me very intently and retorted, "I want the baby to be Batman!".

JOANNE AITCHISON, Wirral

Several years ago, just having moved up to the north of England from Buckinghamshire, I managed to get a night job in a petrol station. The accents, and a few of the wordings for things were a bit different than what I was used to. However my biggest mistake was on this particular night.

“A packet of tobacco, and a packet of skins please", asked the young man peering at the serving window. I took a guess at what the latter was, as I didn't have a clue what he meant. I returned with the tobacco

as requested, and a packet of Durex. Finally, when he recovered from laughing he told me “skins” meant "cigarette papers".

I never made that mistake again! I found out the true meaning for sure, and no doubt he spread the story to give his friends a laugh, as did I.

SUSAN KING, Bolton

Once, a famous entertainer was visiting the care home where I worked and got chatting to an elderly resident. After a while he asked her, “Do you know who I am?”.

“No, dear, I'm sorry, I don't,” replied the old lady. “But don't worry about it. We all get a bit forgetful now and then. Go and ask that lady over there in the red dress. She's the matron. She'll be able to tell you.”

VALERIE CROSSLEY, Sussex

I was in the park when a lady called out, "Anyone who wants an ice cream, come over here".

I went over with several others, she handed out the ice creams to them and asked me, "Who are you?".

I then realised that the rest of the people were her family who were having a day out.

I still cringe about it to this day.

GLORIA WILDING, Merseyside

My mother moved towns and went for her first visit to her new doctor's surgery. The doctor looked through her extensive medical notes on the computer containing her health history and then looked at my mother again.

He commented, "I am pleased to say, with utmost certainty, that you look a whole lot better in person than you do online”.

MICHA BRYN, Liverpool

"IT WAS YOUR EASTER EGG!"

My six-month-pregnant niece came to visit and she let my daughter, Simone, stroke her tummy.

Simone asked her, "How are you going to get the baby out?" and my niece told her the doctor would help.

Simone looked really surprised: "There's a doctor in there as well?".

EMMA SMITH, Flintshire