Discover why ditching technology could bring your family closer
Ever feel like technology is taking over your life? Journalist Andréa Childs discovers why ditching the apps and conquering your addictions could help you create a happier, healthier home
Theliving room has taken on an ambient blue glow; pools of light illuminating the faces of my family. I’d like to say it’s the result of artfully arranged lighting. In fact, it’s the reflected shine of our various screens. My husband is scrolling the cricket scores on his phone; my 10-year-old daughter is plugged into the ipad watching cake-making videos; my 15-year-old son is on the laptop, doing his maths homework while messaging his friends about a party at the weekend. And me? I’m ‘working’, otherwise known as getting distracted by Facebook posts from friends I barely talk to face to face.
‘I’m a big fan of technology; it has huge potential to enhance our lives. But the tech designed to enable has begun to enslave us, having an impact on our relationships and our physical and mental health,’ says digital entrepreneur, Tanya Goodin. ‘It’s time for it to go back in its place, as a tool to be used when we need it and put away when we don’t.’ Tanya’s spent her working life onscreen as owner of one of the UK’S first digital marketing agencies, but she also founded digital detox specialists itstimetologoff.com, runs retreats to help us rebalance our relationship with technology, and has written books about it. ‘Most of us aren’t addicted to our phones or devices, despite the headlines, but we’ve developed bad habits around them,’ she says. ‘We need to set some boundaries.’
That’s easier said than done. In the UK we adults check our phones around 33 times a day and spend more than two hours a day on them (30 days a year). A third of us reach for our mobiles within five minutes of waking and roughly the same number check them during the night. That’s not to mention the lost hours spent compiling Pinterest mood boards or bidding on Ebay. For shopping, research, tracking our energy use and putting our heating on – not to mention idle play (crushing Candy Crush or winning at Words with Friends) – technology is awesome. But there’s a reason we feel anxious when we leave our phones at home, or find it hard to ignore the pings of our devices, even as we’re having dinner or reading our kids a story. The ‘persuasive technology’ of social media notifications, the automatic playing of the next Netflix or Youtube video, the validation of ‘likes’ and stream of news, opinion and cat videos, feed a sense of reward (the anticipation of clicking on something good can trigger the release of the feelgood chemical dopamine) and fuel a fear of missing out.
Science journalist Catherine Price wrote How To Break Up With Your Phone when she realised hers had become a ‘partner in a dysfunctional relationship: something with the power to make me feel bad about myself and to keep me coming back
for more’. She began with a 24-hour digital detox, when she and her partner avoided all phones, tablets and computers. They enjoyed it so much, they made it a regular event. ‘Without the distraction, time seemed to slow. We read books, walked and talked,’ she says. ‘The effects lingered for a few days afterward – a digital hangover that actually felt good.’
That sense of peace and connection sounds good, so I’ve set about recalibrating my own relationship with my phone and the digital life of my family. We’ve never allowed my son to have his phone in his room overnight, but after a bout of insomnia last year, I began plugging into a podcast when in bed. The sleeplessness has gone, so now I’ve banished the phone downstairs. Similarly, I used to scan the news before breakfast – not a feelgood way to start the day. I’ve changed to a fix of headlines at lunch and my mood is so much better. Also, I’ve followed Tanya Goodin’s advice and switched off notifications. ‘It means you check your devices consciously, rather than being reactive,’ she explains. ‘What surprises people is how little they miss out on; those alerts rarely need to be responded to in the moment.’
This type of technology is so new, we’re still learning to cope with its impact and implications. ‘With tech, we’re making up the rules as we go along,’ says Tanya. ‘It’s not about returning to dial-up phones and analogue TV, but we need to find a balance in our homes and lives that makes us happy.’