5 things...

you’ll only know when guests are in residence

ONE

The importance of nun-worthy PJS. Yes, you can run the gauntlet of a midnight loo dash in the buff, but you’ll never live it down if Uncle Pete catches you en route.

TWO

Why you really should have hired that handyman to sort out those creaky floorboards. Children sleeping in unfamiliar surroundings wake up at the slightest furtive squeak.

THREE

Where the immersion switch lives. It’s behind the hot water tank. Turn it on. Don’t turn it off until they leave. Ditto the bathroom extractor fan, the kettle and the Wifi router.

four

The full-body, mind-bending exhaustion of entertaining 24/7. Yet you are mainly sitting around chatting, taking a few wholesome walks (to the pub), eating, drinking… it makes no sense.

five

There can never be too much wine. Buy it, buy it all.