THE WONDERS OF DOWN UNDER
Are you intimate with your vagina? Or the real facts of life? Two Norwegian medics are on a mission to educate us, Brigid Moss discovers
Do you really know your intimate parts? You will after reading this
D id you pay attention at school when it was time for sex education? Or did you, like me aged 12, sit at the back, sniggering when the teacher said ‘penis’? The British attitude to sex is an odd mix of nudge-nudge-winkwink, over-the-top hen night antics and shame. The more open northern Europeans have the edge over us when it comes to talking about sex, which is why it makes sense that a straightforward, useful book about sex and reproduction, The Wonder Down Under, has been written by two medics from Norway.
‘We have found there is a higher level of knowledge about general vaginal health there,’ says Ellen Støkken Dahl. But we’re not that different from the rest of the world, says her co-author Nina Brochmann. Their book
1 YOUR FERTILITY CLOCK MAY NOT BE TICKING THAT LOUDLY
‘Often, we say people wait too long to get pregnant and that fertility drops after 30. But the vast majority of women aged from mid-30s to 40 get pregnant the all-natural way,’ says Brochmann. They want to stop women from being unnecessarily stressed about a fertility sell-by date, as lots of women don’t meet the potential father of their child until later. They do have a caveat: ‘Of course, if the woman is with the love of her life aged 32 and really wants to have a child, we’d never recommend she postpones until 40.’
2 Your period has no health benefits
‘People think everything natural must have a good reason. But if you go back to pre-contraception, women were either pregnant or nursing most of their adult lives, and didn’t have many periods,’ says Støkken Dahl. Heavy periods are the most common reason for women to be anaemic. In fact, it’s fine to skip a period; you can do this with some pills, simply by taking them without a break. See your GP or family planning clinic for advice, and fpa.org.uk.
3 YOU CAN KEEP EXERCISING DURING YOUR PERIOD
‘You can do what you want during your period,’ says Brochmann. That includes headstands in yoga, swimming, sex. Of course, if anything is painful, don’t do it. And although eight out of 10 women believe your period gets in sync with women in your office, it doesn’t. is already a bestseller and publication has spread across the world as fast as an STI during freshers’ week. ‘Women seem to wonder about a lot of the same things,’ says Brochmann. ‘Am I normal? Am I living up to the standards of perfection I see? Am I good enough? Now we also see a movement, where women want to reclaim their bodies and their periods.’
The book started as a labour of love for the selfconfessed sexual-health nerds, who set up a blog for young women in 2015. They soon realised their audience was wider, and older. ‘Women all over the world have basic questions about menstruation, pregnancy and contraception. Our book is about sparking pride in the female body.’ And that, they say, is the key to a good sex life. Here are some amazing things about the reproductive organs you may not (or may) know…
4 You’re likely to have your hymen
The hymen is only extremely rarely a membrane that stretches completely over the vaginal opening, more usually it’s shaped like a ring or a crescent. And it doesn’t ‘break’ from riding a horse or bike, or using tampons.
5 YOUR CLITORIS IS GIGANTIC
In fact, it’s 10 to 13cm long, and shaped like a Y with two invisible arms that go along the sides of your vaginal opening, a long neck, and the soft and sensitive visible part. It’s made from the same spongy tissue that fills with blood to give the man an erection, so women get erections, too, only inside. ‘We tell women this because it’s empowering to know you have a mighty sexual organ hidden inside,’ says Støkken Dahl.
6 Urinary leakage happens… even before childbirth
Although you might be able to bounce on trampolines or sneeze after children, peeing not on demand is still pretty taboo. It’s even more taboo before having children – estimates vary between three and 13% of women having leakage. ‘Women still don’t like to talk about it. They can be very ashamed,’ says Støkken Dahl. Don’t be – see your GP for help.
7 THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE G SPOT
Sigmund Freud created the distinction between vaginal and clitoral orgasms. But there isn’t one! ‘We see there’s a hierarchy where women tend to believe
the vaginal orgasm is what we should achieve,’ says Brochmann. ‘Our message is: to come, most women need clitoral stimulation.’ The G-spot, since the 1960s, has been proposed as a special site inside the vagina that helps achieve vaginal orgasm. But nobody has ever found it. ‘Most likely it’s just the incredible clitoris but felt through the vaginal wall,’ says Støkken Dahl. And you might have read about other kinds of orgasm recently: core-gasms, cervical orgasm, and that they’re better. ‘This is absolute rubbish!’ says Brochmann.
8 Other people probably aren’t having more sex than you…
‘Studies find heterosexual couples who’ve been together for some years end up having sex about 1.5 times per week, on average,’ says Brochmann. Figures are thought to be similar for lesbian couples. And you may be reassured there’s also been research showing that people who have sex more than twice a week are not wildly happier with their sex lives.
9 …OR WANTING SEX MORE THAN YOU
Do you think you should feel spontaneously horny? In fact, ‘spontaneous desire in our daily lives – and especially in long-term relationships – is a rarity for women,’ says Brochmann. ‘What we tend to have is “responsive” desire; that is, once you’re in a sexual situation and you’ve been stimulated, only then might you feel the desire for sex.’
10 Which is probably why there’s no Viagra for women
Drug companies have been looking for a female Viagra, the so-called ‘pink pill’, for years but nothing that works consistently without side effects has ever materialised. There is a way to increase sex drive, as invented by US sex educator Dr Emily Nagoski. Make two lists: 1. What turns me off, eg sex when tired, stressed, sad, jealous or it’s boring? Now make list 2: What turns me on, eg a quickie, a slowie, feeling good about your body, being cooked for, new things in bed? Finally, try and arrange things with your partner so there’s more of 2 than 1.
11 MISCARRIAGE IS AS COMMON AS SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCIES
That is, if you count chemical pregnancies – those before four weeks. ‘This is a bit of a statement but the point we want to make is that miscarriage is normal. It’s sad to see that half of women who experience it feel as if they’re somehow to blame,’ says Støkken Dahl. Most women (who want to) go on to have a healthy baby after miscarriage. (You may be offered tests after two or three miscarriages.)
12 You use up to 1,000 eggs a month
That’s why you are born with 300,000 potential pre-eggs. After puberty, ‘every month, a battalion of eggs begins to mature, but only one exclusive egg matures enough to make it through security and is selected to be released from the ovary. The rest are brutally rejected and destroyed,’ says Brochmann.
13 MASTURBATE MORE OFTEN
‘Orgasms help you relax and relieve stress,’ says Brochmann. Although 5 to 10% of women have never had an orgasm. ‘Here, practice makes perfect! In studies, between 60 and 90% managed to achieve an orgasm alone and with a partner after five or six weeks of regular training.’
14 The sexual position most likely to lead to orgasm
It’s called the CAT which stands for Coital Alignment Technique (sexy!), a variant of the missionary. ‘Your partner must rest on his lower arms, keeping as much of his body as possible in contact with yours. Instead of the usual in-and-out thrusting, he should slide his body up along yours horizontally until his genitals are lying right on top of yours. At the same time, press your crotches together. His hips should tip downwards so that his pubic bone and the root of his penis rub against your clitoris. Keep your legs straight and closed,’ says Støkken Dahl.
15 YOU DON’T NEED TO ‘DETOX’ FROM THE PILL
‘The Pill is one of the world’s most studied medications. And hormonal contraception is the most effective pregnancy protection.’ Investigate the pros and cons of all possible contraceptives.
16 Thinking of using a contraception app? You still need condoms
There’s a huge shift towards cycle-tracking apps. The Natural Cycles app, with ‘perfect’ use is 99% effective and 93% with ‘typical’ use. ‘But we’re human and make mistakes,’ says Støkken Dahl. ‘It’s important your contraception fits your lifestyle. An app involves a lot of time and effort from the user. You need to take your temperature at the same time every morning.’ On fertile days, you either don’t have sex, or use a condom.
17 WANT TO ORGASM? PUT ON SOME SOCKS
‘This advice is both jokey and serious,’ says Støkken Dahl. The point is, ‘it’s difficult to have an orgasm if your mind’s on anything other than what’s going on in your genitals.’ That could be cold feet, work, self-consciousness. So create whatever conditions reduce distractions, whether it’s socks on or lights off.