IT’S A FAMILY AFFAIR
Instagram’s Mother and Father of Daughters on the highs and lows of parenthood
CLEMMIE SAYS…
The thing no one tells you about parenting is… you’ll never go for a poo without hearing the word ‘Mummy!’
The hardest thing about being a parent is… as soon as you wake up, you’re negotiating with a tiny version of yourself. The moment I love my kids the most is when they…
remember to say ‘thank you’ without being reminded.
The most annoying thing my kids do is… step over the pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs. Even when I construct it as an assault course, they still ignore it.
The most annoying thing Simon does is… never put nappies in the bin and leave his mugs all over the house.
My most tragic parenting fail is… probably when I took the girls swimming and, when we were in the changing rooms, Marnie (age three at the time) shouted, ‘What’s that white string hanging out of your fanny?’ Everyone heard. To me, the most important part of family life is…
the weekends. We live for them, especially Sundays.
I always try to cook a lunch so we sit down and eat together.
I embarrass my kids most when I… sing loudly and dance in the kitchen. My best parenting hack is… teaching my kids how to hold the juice carton by the ‘wings’ so that it doesn’t spill. I’m most grateful for my husband when he…
remembers to take the bins out. To sustain love when you have kids it’s important to…
have date nights – book a sitter, ask a grandparent. You need adult time; it’s not selfish, it’s essential for keeping a relationship going. Remember: you met your partner first before you had children.
My favourite thing to do with my family is… take a picnic and games down to the beach and spend the day jumping into waves and building sandcastles.
A successful way to discipline kids is to… try not to shout. In the heat of the moment, this can be hard to achieve. Pick a time later on in the day when things have calmed down and talk it all through calmly with your child. Explain what happened and why you did what you did, but remember to listen to what they have to say, too. When I want to tear my hair out I stay sane by…
walking away and taking five minutes out, whether that’s going outside in the garden, screaming into a pillow or doing calm breathing. I might then offload to Simon later.
The one thing that keeps my kids sane is… being outside. They never seem to fight when they’re on the beach. It’s like there’s enough sand for everyone. The best piece of parenting advice I have ever been given is… from my mum: ‘Pick your battles.’ It’s still something I live by and it helps when there are four different arguments going on at the same time. Follow Clemmie on Instagram @motherofdaughters
SIMON SAYS…
The thing no one tells you about parenting is… it’s addictive, or to me it is at least. In the same way that some people get a tattoo and then slowly cover their whole body in them, I couldn’t stop at one child. Yes, it’s hard work and, yes, most of it is thankless, but having children keeps you young at heart (even if outwardly you age due to lack of sleep).
The hardest thing about being a parent is… standing in the middle of arguments between siblings and between Clemmie and the girls. I get drawn into things that are nothing to do with me and am forced to take sides, which is no fun at all. I find myself constantly having to strap on my Un-style parenting flak jacket and be the one to stand in no man’s land and broker peace. It’s never-ending. The moment I love my kids the most is when they…
are all laughing together. The sound of my girls’ laughter makes my soul sing. When I hear that sound, I realise just how lucky we are to have each other.
The most annoying thing my kids do is… deliberately ignore me when I’m calling their names. I know they can hear me, but when they’re locked into a screen it’s as if all of their senses, apart from sight, are shut down. It drives me nuts. The most annoying thing Clemmie does is…
constantly clean and nag everyone else to do the same. When we do actually tidy with one of the multitude of cleaning products that fill our house, we get told we’ve not done it properly and she cleans up our attempts!
My most tragic parenting fail is… going on a work trip to New York, only to find that I’d packed six very fresh and neatly ironed muslins and Babygros instead of boxers.
To me, the most important part of family life is… being there to support each other through good times and bad.
I embarrass my kids most when I… do anything that involves dancing, or when I make jokes in front of their friends. The word ‘cringeworthy’ is regularly used as a description of me, but I’m okay with that.
My best parenting hack is… sleep with a bottle of milk between your thighs to keep it at body temperature to make night feeds easier when solo. Screw the cap on tightly, or you may wake up with a rather wet crotch (as I did).
I’m most grateful for my wife when she… gives me an opportunity to be alone for a bit. It could be doing a food shop, going cycling or just sitting in the shed playing with bike parts. I really appreciate Clemmie knowing when
I need ‘me time’ and allowing me to do something for myself. To sustain love when you have kids it’s important to…
not lose sight of who you were before you had children. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. My favourite thing to do with my family is… go camping. I love seeing the kids make friends and I get to act like Bear Grylls for a couple of days, and play with fire. The problem is that Clemmie hates camping, so this is a difficult one to get signed off these days. A successful way to discipline kids is to… use their screens against them. That box of processors and USB connections has the power to make them do anything. When I want to tear my hair out I stay sane by…
going out on my bike. An hour with just the road to focus on and the wind in my face is enough to forget whatever it was that was driving me to self-inflicted baldness.
The one thing that keeps my kids sane is… going outside to burn off energy. The trampoline was hands-down the best investment I’ve made for the girls (it was a purchase that didn’t get signed off by Clemmie, as she was away. I put it up in the garden before she got back so she couldn’t say no). The best piece of parenting advice I have ever been given is… don’t compare yourself or your parenting to others. Everyone has a different family and a different rhythm they work to, so what works for them may not work for you. I’ve got my mum to thank for that advice. It’s guided me well. Follow Simon on Instagram @fatherofdaughters