BEAT THE FEAR FACTOR

So many of us don’t make the big moves we long to make because we’re too scared. Arielle Tchiprout finds out how to stop your fears from holding you back

It’s time to take action so your worries don’t hold you back

What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Pack up your life and move abroad? Start a business? Hand in your resignation and go back to school? Sure, it’ll never happen – you don’t have the time or money, it would have disastrous consequences and you’d probably fail. But maybe, just maybe, if you conquered your fears, it could be the best decision you’ve ever made.

This is the message behind new book How To Fix Your Sh*t by entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker Sháá Wasmund MBE. She’s on a mission to encourage you – as the name suggests – to overcome your insecurities, do the things that scare you and live the life you’ve always dreamed of.

‘Deep in your heart, you’ll know exactly what you want and need to do, but you just can’t seem to find the courage to do it,’ she says. ‘Fear takes over and stops you in your tracks. We magnify concerns, and obsess over the worst thing that could possibly happen.’

That said, we can’t get rid of worries altogether. It’s important to accept that we will never be fearless – fear is essential to keep us going and spur us on. ‘It’s about how we learn to deal with fear,’ explains Wasmund. ‘It’s a lot like a bully – you have to knock it down to remove its power.’

The best way to do this is to address each concern individually, and take some kind of action. Rather than being paralysed by fear and not making any progress, break things down into small, manageable sizes. When we do this, she says, ‘We realise we all have far more courage inside us than we might think.’

We asked the experts how to address the most common worries that hold us back. Read on…

THE FEAR ‘I won’t have enough time.’

Whether it’s starting a business, writing a book or changing job, you’re afraid you don’t have enough time to dedicate to it.

THE SOLUTION According to Wasmund, we all have enough time for whatever we want to do if we prioritise effectively. ‘Look at your calendar now and think: what is essential for me to do? What can I park up for now? What actually doesn’t need to be done at all?’ she says. Wasmund recommends keeping a time diary, in the same way that you might track your eating or fitness activities. Making a note of how you spend your time over the course of a week will help you see what needs to be there and what doesn’t. ‘What gets measured gets mastered,’ she says. ‘And if you are measuring how you spend your time, you can then work out where space can be freed up to focus on your goals.’

THE FEAR ‘It’s all too overwhelming.’ When you think about making the change, it just seems like too much to do. If you wanted to move abroad, you’d have to quit your job, find another one, take your kids out of school… the list is endless. So you don’t bother trying.

THE SOLUTION Breaking a challenge into easier steps is key to feeling less overwhelmed. ‘Decide what you want to achieve, then list all the possible actions you’d need to get there,’ says Mandie Holgate, author of Fight The Fear. ‘These actions don’t have to be huge moves – they could simply entail having a conversation with a colleague who might be able to help you, or telling your family that this

is something you eventually want to achieve, or even clearing a space in your home for you to work. Start small, and choose five actions to tackle right now.’

THE FEAR ‘I’m not physically capable of getting it done.’ You’re scared that you don’t have the ability, talent or stamina to make it happen.

THE SOLUTION We constantly tell ourselves we’re not capable when, in reality, we’ve proved the opposite time and again. Write down two full A4 pages of everything you’ve achieved that makes you awesome and unique, suggests Holgate. ‘A lot of people really struggle with this, but you can always find enough to fill the pages if you dig deep enough,’ she says. Once you have your ‘awesome list’, draw a mind-map with each achievement in a bubble, and attached to this bubble write how you achieved it: what you did and the skills you used. ‘Having evidence of how brilliant you are will act as proof of what you’re capable of,’ she says. ‘Frame your lists and maps, or stick them somewhere you can see them, as a constant reminder that you’ve achieved it before, so you can achieve it again.’

THE FEAR ‘It could be the wrong decision.’ You are afraid that turning your life upside down will have negative consequences, such as financial issues or family breakdown. THE SOLUTION When we think about the worst-case scenario, we tend to catastrophise. ‘Our minds get stuck in quicksand, and we can’t move,’ says Wasmund. ‘Some people would advise you against focusing on the worst-case scenario, but I think you should face these scenarios head-on, look at them in the cold light of day and ask yourself: is this really ever going to happen?’ Wasmund recommends writing down the very worst thing that could happen if you were to pursue your goal. Then ask, how likely is this to actually happen? Mark it on a scale of one to 10 (one being not likely at all, and 10 being highly likely). ‘Anything less than six, you should totally ignore this concern and move forward,’ says Wasmund. ‘Now look at the scenario again and ask: if this were to happen, what would you do? Write down three courses of action. Next, write down what help you’d need and from whom. Create a plan to deal with your worst-case scenario and, immediately, it will seem like a molehill rather than a mountain.’

THE FEAR ‘What will other people think?’ You worry that your peers will disapprove of your plan or, worse, laugh or sneer when it all goes wrong. THE SOLUTION It’s normal to worry about what people think, but you can ease the impact this has on your decision-making. Charlotte Fox Weber, head of psychotherapy at The School Of Life, recommends exposure therapy to enable you to handle embarrassment and criticism better. ‘Practise going up to strangers and asking a question,’ she says. ‘Have a mini encounter with an awkward colleague. Put yourself out there for criticism. Having these experiences will help you discover that you can tolerate clunky moments. Feel yourself blush. Let your hands get clammy. You will survive it all.’