How To Have Feminist Sex

It’s about honest communication, understanding what you want and knowing that you have a choice, Flo Perry tells Ella Dove

Tell us about the inspiration behind How To Have Feminist Sex?

When it comes to the way men and women enjoy sex, there is still a gender gap. While workplace and societal equality is improving, we still see labels like ‘players’ and ‘sluts’ used to describe men and women who have a lot of sex. Many of us have grown up with a very narrow view of what sex is, with beliefs planted in our heads that may or may not be true or helpful. This book aims to challenge those thoughts, as well as perhaps give people a few new ones.

What does ‘feminist sex’ mean to you? For me, it’s knowing that you have a choice when it comes to what you want your sex life to look like. It’s forgiving yourself for worrying about your body, working out what turns you on and off and not denying yourself sex if you want it!

Why is it that we crave sex more at the start of a relationship? We all have an ingrained animal instinct which means we’ve evolved to use sex for bonding. In the early part of any relationship, that bond isn’t fully secure – so each time we have sex, the more primitive part of our brains is attempting to strengthen the connection. Is this the reason for make-up sex, too? Yes. Having an argument ruptures the bond, meaning the animal part of us feels like the relationship with our partner or protector is in jeopardy. In order to repair the connection, we often crave a sexual connection, which means that in long-term relationships we often have the best sex after a row.

How important is communication for sexual satisfaction?

Hugely. Generally, we think about sex far more than we talk about it. While it may feel taboo, I want to encourage people to have those conversations from the beginning of a relationship, even if you feel that you don’t need to. If you don’t initiate that chat early on, it will be much harder to do so further down the line.

Did your parents encourage openness about sex?

I’m of the belief that everything about us is the result of our upbringing. I grew up liberally in north London. Being gay was cool, people were having sex from an early age and it was talked about; nothing was taboo. I know my mum

[Red’s Philippa Perry] is very proud of me.

How To Have Feminist Sex: A Fairly Graphic Guide (Particular Books, £16.99) by Flo Perry is out 3rd October